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Subject: Secound time around. Author: Chyna (:~() [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/29/06 3:25pm Hello ladies my name is Chyna I'm 21 with secound pregnancy, in one year it's possible. In march I was pregnant but had an abortion, because I was scared,nervous, unsure of myself and my partner. But I've found myself in the same position only a couple months after my abortion. Right know I feel so stupid how am I supposed to tell my family and friends that I am pregnant again. For whatever reason I believe that I am able to take care of this baby. The wild thing about it, is that my partner was excited the first time and now he's not. But I can't blame hime because I wasn't excited the first time. So he wants me to have an abortion so does my dad. My mother said either way she is there for me. I'm in school I have a full time job, but i dont have my own place. I don't want to make my boyfriend do something he does'nt want to do. I want to keep my baby but I dont know Iwill make it, I barely can take care of myself atleast thats what my dad keeps telling me. I wanted people to be excited for me and not look down on me. I'm so scared right know I hust keep worring about everthing there is a lot of pressure on me right know I dont want to mess anyones life up. I'm confident but it is very hard to keep looking forward when people around me keep putting there vision inside my head. I'm really confused last but not least I don't want to get another abortion I felt when they snatched my baby from me, I don't know if I can go threw that again. I'm just really confused, concern, anxious, and very sleepy. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Secound time around. Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/29/06 7:16pm Hi, Chyna, I am so glad you came! If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! You have a right to refuse, and nobody has a right to pressure you into it. Obviously, having an abortion the first time didn't really solve anything, and it wouldn't this time, either. Once you make a decision and tell everyone that your mind is made up, most of them will stop pressuring you. If some still try to pressure you, just keep reminding them you have your mind made up. Nobody has a right to ask you to go through that. If they still bother you, leave the room or hang up the phone. And if they follow you, just tell them you are leaving the room, and they may not follow you. Keep this up until they leave you alone. Your boyfriend decided to take a chance for the second time around, so he doesn't have any right to make any demands either. After all, he is just as responsible as you are. I suspect he's hurting from the first time, so cut him a little slack, but tell them your decision is firm. Most guys don't relate to pregnancy until they can see some evidence anyway, such as seeing changes in the mother's body, or feeling movement, or hearing a heartbeat, or seeing the ultrasound. Since he was excited the first time, chances are he will come around. Maybe he is trying to shield himself emotionally; he doesn't want to get his hopes up. You never know. Just give him a chance, but don't let him force you to do something you don't want to do. And don't worry about messing up other people's lives. They're putting you into a position where you feel you have to either mess up their lives or mess up your baby's life. Your first responsibility is to your baby. They can choose whether or not to let what you do mess up their lives. It's not your responsibility to cave in so they won't "mess up their lives". As for the practical problems, go to a crisis pregnancy agency. They'll help you with all the practical problems you face. They will also help you with counseling, and to stick by your decision. We will be here any time you need us. Good luck in sticking up for the two of you. Take care of yourself and your baby! Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: Secound time around. Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/29/06 8:56pm Hi Chyna, Welcome to the board and conrgratulations on your pregnancy. All of us here on the board are of the philosphy that a baby is a blessing no matter the circumstances. Most of us on here have been in your shoes. Myself included. I am 38 years old and I got pregnant with my first baby (I had one prior miscarriage) at age 35. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. When I got pregnant, I was in school full time, had a great apt and a good car. I decided right away to keep my baby, and things got complicated right away. I had to quit school, move to another place and I ended up on assistance. Not a bright story, I know, but it was all worth it. I am getting back on my feet again and I have my daughter! Her father does not see her, although he was excited about her in the beginning. I do get child support and you can too. There is much help out there for single mothers. For starters, there is WIC which will provide you with good food and free formula if you bottle feed. I got it and I was working. My daughter still gets it. A lot of the women on here are great at finding resources. They will need your state and nearest city if you can. If you do not want a abortion, I would not have one. I dont know how any one can survive one, more or less 2 in less than a year. You can do this and we can help you. Chances are your dad and your boyfriend will come around. My dad was so mad when I told him (and I was 35!) He is 71 now an my daughter (his only grandchild) is the apple of his eye. The minute he saw her, he was in love. Things take time, and like the ladies on here will tell you, there is a reason we are pregnant for nine months! Good luck to you and follow your heart! Love, Lisa

[> Subject: Re: Secound time around. Author: Lori [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/30/06 2:45pm Hi Chyna, Welcome to the board. I can definitely relate to your situation. I experienced a unplanned pregnancy at the age of twenty and I can remember how scared and confused I was then. All of my friends told me to abort, my boyfriend wasn't even sure if he could handle having a child. I came from a Christian home and I was terrified that my parents would be so angry with me so I felt completely alone. I didn't know how I would be able to have a child when I still felt like a child myself. I couldnt' even support myself back then but I made the choice to keep my baby and I have never regretted my decision. I thank God everyday for helping me make the right choice. I know you feel so much pressure right now but this is only for a little while. Eventually if you do decide to keep your baby people will accept it. I know lots of girls and women who find out their pregnant and their parents are completely upset, pressuring them to abort and those same parents who wanted their daughter to abort are completely smitten with their grandchild when their born. When we find out were pregnant and when others find out their were pregnant everyone just seems to have a break down and start worrying about the childs future and how their going to take care of this child. But, you can take care of this child there are a lot of programs offered by many states and pregnancy centers that will help you to care for your baby. Don't make a decision about this hastily because you could make one of the biggest mistakes of your life. You can't bring this child back if you do choose to abort and no matter how many children you have in your future you will always look back and think about the child that should have been. Were here for you no matter what you decide but I plead with you to research your options go to www.pregnancycenters.org and find a pregnancy center in your area they have a lot of information that will help you. Also, go to afterabortion.com this is a neutral site where you can hear from women who have had an abortion. We never know how we will react to anything in life every person is different but I think its important to hear from other women who have went through abortion and learn from their experiences. I truly wish you the best, and I will be praying for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me any time. Please remember to make a decision that you can live with, not what your boyfriend or parents can deal with because this is your body and your baby. If you would like to read my story please go to http://www.geocities.com/pregnancyhelpnow/continuestories.html . God Bless, Lori

[> Subject: Re: Secound time around. Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/31/06 10:49pm Hi Chyna, I'm sorry to hear about all the pressures you are going through. Whatever anyone thinks, you are ultimately the one that will have to live with your decision most. Chances are good that if your boyfriend was excited about the baby last time that he will come around this time. The main problem is that you crossed the barrier the first time so everyone assumes you can go through it again. That isn't necessarily true. If you do not want an abortion the best thing you can do is to tell everyone and dig in your heels. The sooner they realize it isn't an option for you the more likely the pressure to do so will lessen. If they think there's a chance you'll relent then the pressure will get stronger. What do you think the odds are that everyone involved will adore that baby once born? From my experience they are probably pretty good. I have seen some men who are completely disinterested, but since your boyfriend was interested before the abortion last time I think that would increase the odds that he'll eventually come around. To be honest I'm not sure how any of us manages the first time around. Most women want and could use a little help, so don't be embarassed if you need some. Most people (even with planned pregnancies) aren't 100% ready. IT's a growing/learning process when you have a baby. You have some time to prepare. In your case, I would recommend a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. They can help with practical needs, but more important can offer a bit of emotional support for you. If your mom is willing to go with whatever you decide, then perhaps she can help you in getting the guys to back off a bit from pressuring you to abort. Stay in touch, and let me know if you need help finding a Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. --Melanie

[> Subject: Re: Secound time around. Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08/ 2/06 1:36am Hello :) I am glad you have come to this forum for support. Every one of us has faced someting similar. I have had abortions too and i agree with what Melanie said others will just assume that you can just abort again. But the thought of abortion and the act are two very different things as you have learned from the experience of having one. It's a horrible feeling isn't it? You feel robbed but then you have the added agony of knowing that you walked into that clinic and paid these strangers to scrape /suction your live growing baby from your uterus. I struggled with that for so long just being angry at myself for going ahead with it. It was a difficult feeling to resolve for me because there was no upside to any of it- my baby was gone there was nothing i could do to change it. The people who influenced my decision i realised were not worth it if only for the fact that they wanted me to abort in the first place. Apeasing others unhappiness about my pregnancy did not feel like (and wasn't) a consolation after i aborted my baby. I just felt hollow. There was nothing special about it, i personally was not relieved, i just felt horribly guilty, regretful and depressed. You can have your baby. You know you can. I am just echoing the words of others. Really think about it, close your eyes and think about continuing your pregnancy see how you feel physically is it a good feeling? And think about having an abortion imagine doing it again this time-How does that feel? I am in a crappy situation and i don't know exactly how i am going to get through it i just know that i am going to. I also feel that even with the negative stuff to do with my situation i still feel good about having my baby~ Those problems surrounding having my child i consider 'quality problems' -ones worthy of trying to work out. I am happy to rise to the challenge because its worth it. It just is. You'll see what i mean if you have your baby. The things most of us in this situation worry about usually resolve themselves one way or another and you have this heaven sent little human being. You just can't begin to understand how much you can love another being untill you hold your newborn child in your arms. You'll never get your first baby back but you can honor that childs memory and make it mean something by not having another abortion with this baby. I am excited for you that you may keep your child because it's such a wonderful thing. I am at the stage of my pregnancy where i have begun to feel little kicks it's *So* cool :) I smile every time i feel it. I can't wait to finally meet my baby..I hope that you get to meet yours.