Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/ 7/06 1:04pm
Hi, Shelby,
I am glad you came. You do present some difficult circumstances. I am very sorry this happened to you. I wish I could give you a hug.
I have known three women who became pregnant from rape. Let me tell you about each one. The first one is a longtime friend of mine. She had the baby and kept him. She now has eight children. Of her children, the one she is closest to is the one she conceived from rape. She is doing splendidly. The second one was about your age. She was gang raped. She is somewhat chubby, so she concealed her pregnancy from her parents until she was seven months along because she didn't want an abortion. When she had the baby, she and her parents raised him until she was old enough to take care of him by herself. She is now happily married. The third one was a family member. She was also about your age when she was raped. She had an abortion. It tore her world apart. She has been in and out of mental hospitals ever since. She is really incapable of having any kind of intimate relationship; it destroyed her marriage (to our son, who stood faithfully by her for several years, but she refused to stop the self-destructive behavior).
Based on my personal knowledge, I'd say, absolutely do not have an abortion! It will only compound your problem. I have read a book which was all about women who became pregnant from rape. It said that most women who are raped don't want an abortion; in fact, 72% of the women carry to term, in spite of the intense pressure we put on rape victims with our expectations that they will have an abortion. Most of the women saw carrying the baby as good triumphing over evil. They were violated, and violence was committed against them, but they would not commit violence against their child.
This is your child as well as your rapist's child. Your baby is now fully formed, and even has fingerprints. S/he also is showing personality through how s/he moves and behaves. Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby. Your baby doesn't deserve to die for the crime of her father.
Some women who are raped do not want to be reminded of their rapist, and they think that they will be reminded every time they look at their baby. While I think that most people would see the baby as an individual, I also respect those feelings. The women who feel that way choose adoption. Other women think of their baby as an individual, and can separate the baby from the rapist in their minds. They usually keep and raise their baby. This is a choice you will be making at some point, and whichever of the two you choose is a perfectly good solution out of a horrible circumstance. But it would be very self-destructive for you to decide on abortion.
Obviously, your parents will need to know. So here is what I suggest. Go to a crisis pregnancy agency. Tell them everything you can. They will help you tell your parents, and they will also help persuade them not to pressure you into an abortion. They will help you with your needs and counsel you with your feelings. Do NOT go to a rape crisis center. They do not know how to handle this type of situation. That's what my family member did, and it was a disaster. Do not go to an agency that does abortions. They will just pressure you unbearably and tell you all the reasons you should destroy your baby. Go to an agency that is life-affirming that will counsel you well. Here is a good list of places: www.pregnancycenters.org/. They also offer online counseling. Once your family knows and has accepted your decision (which will require some struggle and emotional issues), then they will almost certainly support you. Once the baby is born, a DNA test will help prove who the father is. Do you know the father, or know who he is? For the sake of yourself and other rape victims and potential rape victims, seek to press charges. Please. Maybe you won't be able to do this emotionally, but do it if you possibly can. Even if you were with him voluntarily, your "NO" should mean NO. If you have an abortion, you will destroy the evidence. We won't stop rape until women take a stand and seek to prosecute rapists.
We will be here for you, and we will be praying for you both and your family and for your peace of mind. Come anytime you need to talk. May you bring about triumph and good out of tragedy and evil.
Hugs,
Pat
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