Re: i've decided -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
luka

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Date Posted: 08/21/06 5:52pm
In reply to: shelby 's message, "Re: i've decided" on 08/20/06 2:05pm

Well all i can say is that when you have your baby hopefully you will realise what it truely means to be a parent and know that you wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing to your own child. Then you will see how wrong you are about any of this being your fault Shelby or whoever you are. You will see that your father was wrong. For starters it is against the law what he did to you. Even if hypothetically you stripped naked and begged him to sleep with you it doesn't matter that stuff should never happen you are a minor and this is your father! There is a reason why this kind of thing is illegal why a girl of your age is not permitted to have sex with anyone let alone your father. I think you know this deep down. I understand that kind of denial i really do. It's quite common with anyone who has been abused. In one sense there is more hope for you to be able to blambe yourself. That way you can see things getting better if you change somehow. The reality that your father molested you and got you pregnant and how undeniably wrong and sickening that is paints a very grim picture, one that no body in their right mind wishes to feel about the world. It says to you that the world can be an arbitrary place where not even the ones who created you are worthy of your trust and that they have abused you. So beter to just blambe yourself ? No! not at all, that is a victims mentallity that will only ensure that you are abused again and again which is good for the person abusing you. If even you blambe yourself then they don't have to feel responsible for what they have done. This is not an attack this is just one woman trying to help another to get out of a bad situation. And if your father reacts badly to the news will you blame yourself for that too? I can only tell you what i see and try to help. Emailing you privately wouldn't change what i would say either so it seems pointless to do so. I hope you are able to have some type of counselling so that you can move on from all the abuse. I wish you all the best.

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[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: i've decided

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/24/06 10:40pm

Hi Shelby,

Well I think you have enough on your plate right now in adjusting to the news that you are pregnant. I commend you for eschewing abortion and honoring the life of a new human being. I will be praying for you.

My thoughts still run along the lines that it would be a very good thing to tell your sister, and maybe ask if you can live with her for awhile? If not her, then another trusted relative. Once you let someone else in on your world, you will be surprised how much support will surface for you, I'll bet.

As for not ruining your family, dear Shelby that is not up to you. You are not responsible for your father or your mother or the family unit staying together or happy. You are responsible only for what is in front of you. It may be uncomfortable to put things in the lights, but setting a broken bone is uncomfortable, too. Once it's done, though, healing can take place properly. If you leave a setting and cast off a broken bone you escape the uncomfortableness of that treatment, but the bone can't heal.

Regardless, one day at a time for you dearest. You're doing a great job so far just coping. Please know the door is wide open here for you to post as often/freely as you like.

With Kindness,

Heather