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Subject: Re: unplanned

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Date Posted: 01/ 2/10 5:21pm
In reply to: Beth 's message, "Re: unplanned" on 01/ 2/10 7:00am

Hi Beth, A lot of governmental services do depend on income, but not all private entities do. Most food closets will not ask for income proof, although they may limit how often you can use their services. It's hard to say without knowing your whereabouts. There are a lot of avenues you can pursue if you really want to work through things and have your baby. When I got pregnant with my first, my husband was unemployed, and I was the one working, and we managed. No one can promise you an answer to every problem, but it's amazing how one can work things out if they really want to. I think the old saying is, "where there's a will there's a way."

There is an organization that does work with women who are pregnant and college-career oriented called The Nurturing Network. They can help you find resources in your area, or even help you to relocate if that would work best for you. The phone number for the Nurturing Network is
1-800-TNN-4MOM. They are also online, but you will probably get help more quickly if you contact them by phone. http://nurturingnetwork.org/whatwedo.html

You do have a choice here, which is to decide if you want to look at the obstacles, or the possibilities. I think it is a good thing to know early that you are pregnant as that gives you more time to prepare.

One thing to consider is that you may qualify for more grants as a single mom, so it might not all be bleak in that sense. A lot of colleges do offer child care based on income, although it is also usually essential to get on the list asap as there is usually a waiting list.

Get with someone in your area, research and plan. You can work through this, especially if your fiance is supportive. One thing is certain, abortion is not your only choice although it probably feels that way about now. If I can help in anyway, please feel free to e-mail me anytime.


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Date Posted: 01/ 2/10 8:27pm

Hi, Beth,

Let's take your points one at a time. I am going to give you some straight talk. Better to think about these things while you still have a choice, before it's too late. So many women have told me, "Not a day goes by that I don't think about my baby." Is that the future you want? Do you want the horrible nightmares I had after my encounter with abortion? Dreaming a man was chasing you through a dark rainy street with a huge butcher knife, or you are about to be gang raped? What if you became suicidal? It is much more common after abortion. What if you lost interest in being a nurse, and nothing mattered anymore? Whether or you are consciously aware of it or not, you are already bonded with your baby, and your body and heart will know.

Your fiance has a child: the one you are carrying. He is willing to let your harm the baby the two of you produced by showing love to each other? What kind of deal is that? What if this is the only child you ever conceive? Are you two living together? Why not go ahead get married? It will save expenses, too. So if you can't afford a fancy wedding, go before a justice of the peace. You can do a fancy wedding later if you want. Our youngest son just got married with a justice of the peace. My in-laws also did, and their marriage lasted until he died. That was decades.

The resources you said are there aren't what we're thinking of, if it depends on income. The ones we have recommended tend to look at your needs rather than your resources. Most of them offer free help. The one here charges a small amount, but a woman can work it off by volunteering a few hours a week.

Can you start a garden? Even a truck garden would help. Can you barter for food? What about doing some babysitting for a neighbor in exchange for food? Will your fiance help you buy food? Or is he eating crackers and stuff, too? He should start looking for a better job, but not give up the one he has. Can you take turns babysitting? Can you get a little extra work at the college?

Go to your local food bank, or to the churches in the area. There are services for the homeless as well, and they offer meals. What you may need is a better, cheaper place to live. I know a woman who thought she had no choice but to have an abortion, and a priest told her what she really needed was a better place to live. (I am not that fond of priests, I'm just telling you who helped her.) He found her a cheaper apartment that was better, and closer to work, so it didn't cost as much for transportation. When you are confronted with a situation like this, you have to think outside the box. You're still very much in panic mode, and a person doesn't make good decisions when in a panic, and can't really think outside the box, either.

What would happen if you had an abortion and it disabled you? That is a real possibility. Then nursing would be closed to you. As things stand now, you have a chance to become a nurse, provided you don't have an abortion. And like I said, give some serious thought to the fact that you would be repudiating the ethics of being a nurse if you had an abortion. That's a heck of a way to start off a career in nursing, don't you think?

It may not seem fair to bring a beautiful baby into your situation, but it is also not fair to take your baby's life. Situations and circumstances change. I don't care if you think you are set for life. They can change. And vice versa. Plenty of us have had this experience. If you follow God's will, He will provide for you. Not maybe in the timing you think you need, but He will. Right now, He has given you a responsibility. Only you can protect your baby, and your baby is depending on you for your protection. Use the money you'd spend on an abortion to buy food, for heaven's sake!

Going an hour and a half away will also cost money: money for transportation, and money for lodging, especially if you suffer a complication. If you suffer a complication, who will pay your medical bills?

I often answer questions from women who have had an abortion. The number who have serious complications is frightening. They say abortion is safe. It's not. A woman's body was designed to protect her baby, and the ONLY way she can get an abortion is for them to harm her in some way. Harm is guaranteed. The "lucky" ones don't find out about the harm until later. Abortion greatly increases the chances a woman will have a baby with a birth defect in the future, and that can also be very expensive. Don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.

No, abortion is NOT your only choice. You could use a good dollop of courage. Granted, a baby would bring about a big change. However, it happens one day at a time, and you should take one day at a time. If you can make it through today (and you already have), you can make it through tomorrow. Try to avoid the "what if's", or if you insist, also include "what if I had an abortion, and I had a complication, or it harmed a future child, or whatever". Believe me, we understand. Many of us have been where you are right now. I faced some fairly significant health problems with my last pregnancy, and it wasn't easy. I was tired and weak. What we also understand is what happens to women who choose abortion, in the long run. We are trying to get you to think to the future, and tell you what the problems will be if you have an abortion. Because we care. Deeply.

What if you can't breastfeed? Go talk to La Leche League. What if something went wrong with your pregnancy? Get help from your local organization that helps pregnant women. When I was having my babies, sonograms barely existed. I never had one. Good medical people don't need a sonogram to give you good care. What if you can't afford the baby once he or she is born? Choose adoption. It's much safer for you anyway. And the adoptive parents will pay your expenses. I have had midwifery training, and if I lived in your city, I'd come help you with the birth for free. If there were a complication, the ER will take you for free as well. There are always alternatives, but as long as you're thinking about abortion, you won't find them.

Abortion is forever. You can't take it back. Please don't do this. We will be here, and we will be praying for all of you. Please stay safe!

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