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Subject: Re: Please help me and my kids

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Date Posted: 03/30/10 10:17am
In reply to: Terrah 's message, "Please help me and my kids" on 03/27/10 6:34am

Welcome to the board! You have found a safe place!! First things first, your ex is beyond selfish. What he is expecting from you is just plain cruel. To watch him go back and forth from her to you and to not care about your feelings speaks volumes. I know you are in a bind even more so now that you are pregnant, but I think removing him from the equation(as hard as that may be), will do you wonders. Right now he has a hold on you--he has control of your emotions, your feelings, and your self worth. He can't treat you like this and then claim to love you. That's not love! It's quite the opposite. My heart aches for you...I know pregnancy is a roller coaster of emotions and then to all this drama to it--I understand why you are so emotional. But I truly believe removing him from the situation for awhile may help you focus and gain sight on what is really important. Your baby is part of you as well...just as he/she is part of him. Remember though, your three children are ALSO a part of both of you and just think how much you love them! I know you feel beaten and just worn out...but now is the time to gather up your strength, stand up for yourself and remove him from your life. Will it be hard? Of course. Will it be impossible? Never! I think once you stand up for yourself, the sense of power that you will feel and know you have taken back will be invigorating! It will once again remind you of who you were before him and will allow you to see that you deserve SO much better than this!!! There are GOOD men out there! :) Terrah, have you thought at all about an, "open adoption?" It would allow you to choose a family and also to stay in contact. Just another option. Terrah, you are NOT alone!!! We are here to help!!! Please don't be a stranger and please keep us posted!!!
God bless,

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[> Subject: Re: Please help me and my kids

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Date Posted: 03/30/10 11:19am

Hello, Terrah,

Yes, your husband is a first class jerk. But let me ask you this: who is to blame for his behavior? Your husband, or your baby? If your husband is to blame, why punish your baby by this kind of gruesome harm? I don't blame you for not wanting another child involved, but he already is! He's real, and he's here. He IS involved! The question is what you are going to do about it. Will you protect your baby, or will you allow the harm your husband is doing to harm your baby, too? You are the only one who can protect your baby, and he is depending on you for your protection. For him, it's life or death.

It sounds like your husband wants to blame everyone but himself. He broke his vows; you didn't. He is to blame. Not you, and not your children, including this little one. If you did put him down (and I'm not saying you did; chances are, it's all in his mind; been there, done that), he isn't right to go cheat on you. He is to blame for that. Cheating on you is not the right remedy for being put down.

There is help available to meet your needs and to figure out the best legal solution. Since he clearly violated his vows, and he has a child by another woman, you don't owe him anything. You especially don't owe it to him to take him back. It is important to forgive him, but that does not mean you HAVE to take him back. Clearly, he needs to show that he has repudiated this other liaison, and he's given every indication he won't do this. So see what your legal remedies are, and let him worry about his other child.

As for your being sick, the best remedy I know is to sip ginger tea or ginger ale (with real sugar).

To find an organization near you that can help you with the difficulties you face, please go to this web site:


If you are not in the United States, let us know and we'll give you a different address.

Hang in there. You have children who need you. Take one day at a time. We will pray for you. Please don't yield to the temptation to harm yourself or anyone else. Please come back and let us know how you are doing. We love you.


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