Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Tuesday, April 23, 11:45:52

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Subject: Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption

Author:
Sharon

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Date Posted: 05/21/10 1:18pm
In reply to: Courtney 's message, "Young, pregnant and considering adoption" on 05/20/10 3:18pm

Courtney,

My step-mother gave me the best advice of anyone when I was pregnant years ago and considering abortion. She said, "I know you, Sharon, and I know you could never live with yourself if you had an abortion." She was completely right.

Some of us are more senstive to the emotional effects of abortion. It sounds like your heart and mind are warning you against having an abortion. You want to listen to that advice because if you go against the advice your own body is giving you, you will likely feel tremendous remorse and grief later. You can't undo an abortion.

I know you and your boyfriend aren't together, but you can raise your baby without him if necessary. It's not easy, but it's worth it. I raised my son by myself the first couple of years. Then, I met a man who became my son's father. So, it's not like you would be raising your child alone for the long haul necessarily.

Sharon

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Replies:

[> Subject:

UPDATE

Author:
Courtney (hopeless)
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Date Posted: 05/23/10 10:00am

Despite promises to be there for me, the baby's father is ridiculously uninvolved. I didn't expect him to act like he was happy about it, but when he said he wouldn't leave me alone and would go with me to appointments that he actually, you know, would.

I've made numerous attempts to find a day that works for him so we can get consultation and counseling to aid our situation but he is conveniently unavailable.

However, he had time last night to make the forty-five minute drive to our college town (we're off for the summer) to drink at his frat house.

I live less than ten minutes away.

I feel abandoned and let down.

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[> [> Subject: Re: UPDATE

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 05/23/10 4:44pm

I'm so sorry, Courtney. I can well understand why you WOULD feel abandoned and let down. I know this must be an incredibly difficult time for you right now. Wish I could give you a hug!

Unfortunately, no human being on this earth is infallible, and all will eventually let us down in small, if not large ways. I don't say that bitterly at all - it's just a gentle truth. We let down others ourselves, in small and large ways, because we all share the same sin natures.

But - there is ONE who will never leave us or forsake us, break promises, or fail to love unconditionally. Our Creator knows us even better than we know ourselves. If you're inclined - you can always call out to Him. When you're ready - He's listening.

I'll continue in prayer for you, friend. I hope you can get some good rest; that will at least mitigate some of the physical stress. As painful as it is to let go, it would be in your best interest, it seems (and your baby's) to try to let go of the baby's father. At least emotionally. We can't make people be, feel, or behave any differently than they are inclined to. :(

There is hope, just hold on. This season WILL pass and change into another.

With Kindness,

Heather

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[> [> Subject: Re: UPDATE

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 05/25/10 12:15pm

Courtney,

It can be very hard to face the fact that the guy doesn't always feel the same way about a pregnancy as the woman does. With women, we FEEL something deep inside us - emotionallty, intuitively, instinctively - that makes us be VERY protective of our young one growing inside us. We KNOW it's our baby. But the guy doesn't have the benefit of that physical, immediate perception. He's able to make it an abstract thing. "It"'s not an abstract concept. He or she is very REAL and is our offspring. True they're at a very early stage of their lives, but they are most definitely there...and the mother knows it. That's why so often on this board we hear from women who really don't want to have an abortion. They simply want their boyfriend to support them in their pregnancy. But, their boyfriends are emotionally absent. They basically desert the women when they need them the most - and they desert them even by sometimes saying "it's your choice". The woman, feeling no support for the pregnancy, succumbs to what appears to be the "easy" way out at the time. But, since they didn't really want to have an abortion, they now have to deal with the life-long reality of having aborted their child against what they knew they really wanted in their hearts. There is emotional pain and grief for a loss that can never be recovered. It's so tragic.

True, it doesn't appear that your boyfriend is ready to step up to the plate and be a father. But, that doesn't mean you're not ready to be a mother. You already are, and I hear it in your concern for your baby in your posts...

Be strong and know that we're all here for you.

Sharon

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