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Subject: Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption


Author:
Courtney
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Date Posted: 05/21/10 1:36pm
In reply to: Pat 's message, "Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption" on 05/20/10 10:24pm

Pat,

I was raised in a conservative home and as long as I can remember I have always thought that abortion should be a last resort for extreme cases - things like rape, incest, or the event that the pregnancy is dangerous to the mother's well being. It's very strange to have my views called into question and to be unable to, at once, say "No." I am certain I couldn't live with myself after the fact but there is a part of me that is scared and unwilling to own up to the responsibility.

Luckily, I think it's a small part and that I can overcome.

My ex is not a bad guy, really. I hope that his desire for an abortion is a knee-jerk reaction and that once he understands how huge of a deal it is for me and for our unborn baby he will come around. He's young and frightened and it's so much easier for him to try to run from this than it is for me. I'm not a huge subscriber to "My body, my choice" and believe he should have an opinion on what I do, though I do reserve the final say-so.

I'm unemployed and a full-time student and really have no idea how I would manage this. It's all very scary.

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Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 05/22/10 5:01am

Courtney,

Let me throw some further thoughts your way.

Think about rape and incest for a minute. Why should the baby pay with his life for the crime of his father? Most victims of rape and incest don't want abortions anyway, and we're doing them a disservice to let society push them into it, which is what is often happening.

You have time to grow into the responsibility. That's one reason we are pregnant for nine months, so we can prepare.

I think you have pretty well explained your ex, and I tend to agree with your analysis, even though there are some men out there who simply run away from responsibility, and that's it. But I trust your judgment. But let me ask you this. Why should either your opinion or his that it's OK to harm your baby be entertained?

In the usual debate, people ask the wrong question. People are asking, who gets to decide on whether a woman has an abortion or not. That's the wrong question. The right question is, should anyone ever decide to harm an unborn baby?

There are very rare situations where the baby cannot live. But even there, it is better not to do active harm, such as deliberately killing the baby. Even in the case of tubal pregnancy, the baby can be lifted out intact and put in warm water for comfort.

I think it helps to get some cobwebs cleaned out of the rhetoric, which is why I have gone into this detail.

If you go talk to the folks at your local organization, they'll help you figure out a way to manage. If you are going to university, you can also ask if they have a college outreach program. Some colleges do. And if yours doesn't, you may be able to get one started. It's worth a try. These programs offer housing assistance and other resources to students.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you both are doing.

Hugs,
Pat

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