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Subject: Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption

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Date Posted: 05/21/10 1:40pm
In reply to: Shellie 's message, "Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption" on 05/21/10 12:03pm

It's funny how easy abortion sounds, in theory. It's like my life can go back to normal. But I know it won't. I know I'll be emotionally scarred, if not put in physical pain by the abortion.

I want to do what is best for all involved parties - me, my ex and our baby. But he seems so unwilling to bend and it's hard to compromise or seriously discuss the options. I really don't want to screw up his future: he's so smart and has the whole world at his feet.

But so am I. And I think I could rise to the challenge of keeping all that and being pregnant. I just don't know how to make this work in the least painful way possible.

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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption

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Date Posted: 05/22/10 4:53am

Hi, Courtney,

I'd just like to offer a couple of observations about what you have said.

Your ex has acted, and is partly to "blame" for screwing up his future. The choice is between screwing up his, or screwing up your baby's. Well, not exactly. If he is willing to take responsibility, it need not screw up his future. Why would it? Nobody dragged your ex kicking and screaming to get you pregnant. I have two sons who fathered babies out of wedlock. Sure, it makes life difficult. But they are making it, and it has been so very good for both of them that they now have a child.

What's best for "me, my ex and our baby" isn't to harm your baby. It would brutalize both of you to harm your baby, and you may well be in a position where you won't feel you can forgive yourself. Either one of you. Fathers come to regret abortions, too. You're the wise one here.

If you get some help from an organization in your area, this will help you make it. I have given you the link.

Give your ex some space. If you tell him that you have made your decision and you are not going to have an abortion, chances are he will accept it. If not, you've taken a stance, and now you give him space. Most guys don't come around until they can observe evidence of the pregnancy for themselves, and this rarely happens before the second trimester. So give him a chance.


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[> [> [> Subject: Re: Young, pregnant and considering adoption

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Date Posted: 05/22/10 2:39pm

Hi Courtney,

I'm glad you found this forum! The women here are great. I was impressed reading your posts - you seem to be able to hold on to the important things while being real about the fear in the 'logistics.'

First of all, for what it's worth I'd love to encourage you in holding fast to your conviction about honoring the life of the new human being inside of you. Your son or daughter will be a miracle beyond words. God has an interesting way of weaving tapestries - so 'unlike' how we would have planned things. I can relate!

I really respect your 'not really being into the 'my body my choice' bitter sounding chip on the shoulder. There is so much life and wisdom, and honor towards our Creator in realizing it isn't all about us, and we aren't gods unto ourselves.

However, there is also wisdom and truth in realizing that it's okay to decline and totally put out of your mind pressure from anyone (in this case, your ex) to kill another human being you don't wish to kill. Ultimately, it IS your choice, and no one but you will understand or have to live with the results (in either direction!) It is neither selfish nor bitter to rule out immoral options that you alone will have to bear the scarring (physical and emotional) for.

If you decide to try to raise this little one yourself (many women have gone on before you in this regard, trembling but finding it works out!) I do hope you'll take advantage of the countless ways your local Pregnancy Resource Center can help you. All their services are free and they can help A LOT!

If you decide to lovingly place this little one for adoption, this can also be a win/win situation. Imagine the inexpressible gift given. My husband, one of the most awesome men ever, and a fantastic father, was adopted from birth - his birthmother was 15 years old and pregnant from a one night stand. She was seriously pressured to abort this 'mistake' but by God's grace she managed to take the path of life, and I am, of course, so, so glad she did.

Feel free to keep posting here to decompress as much as you can! Heaven knows this is a huge crossroads for you. Please know there's a woman out here in California that is praying for you. :)

Don't forget to take good care of yourself in the midst of all this turbulence - lots of rest, good food, etc. So many other women have expressed that this, what you're going through right now, is the very hardest part of an unplanned pregnancy. The processing the news and being ambivalent about what to do. Once the decision is made to embrace the unexpected and work with it, the stress levels
decrease dramatically. We all know the path isn't 'easy' in any case, but the foundation is set positively and this helps tremendously.

With Kindness,


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