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>WEIRDO, OH – On July 20th, sixteen-year-old Norman >Thurman from Freako, Michigan was arrested for assault >and battery when he came to the home of the Herbert >family here in Weirdo and quickly got into a brawl >with fifteen-year-old Melvin Herbert when the door was >answered. > >Norman Thurman is an avid fan of everything that has >to do with J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-Earth especially of >Peter Jackson’s cinematic adaptation of The Lord of >the Rings. Melvin Herbert is an equally avid fan of >everything that has to do with George Lucas’ Star Wars >franchise. > >The trouble began when Melvin stumbled upon a >Middle-Earth fan site on the Internet and proceeded to >‘troll’ its forums. That web site happened to be one >of Norman’s favorite online hang-outs and when Melvin >started causing a ruckus they both got into a fight >known in Internet lingo as a ‘flame war’. The fight >had gotten so intense that they began exchanging death >threats. > >On July 19th, Norman had managed to find Melvin’s IP >address and use it to learn Melvin’s street address. >After sundown, Norman snuck out of the house, stole >his father’s car and drove it all the way to Weirdo, >Ohio. After sleeping at a hotel, Norman came to >Melvin’s house and after the door was opened by Melvin >himself he began slapping at Melvin starting a rather >immature brawl. > >Melvin’s parents were not home at the time and the >young Star Wars fan had been in his room in the >basement using figurines to set up the scene of the >Battle of Endor. “I am shocked by this,” Melvin’s >mother told Johnny’s Tabloid News, “I just know that >my son is no longer allowed on the Internet anywhere! >I’m throwing out that computer!” > >“I am so, so sorry about this,” Norman’s father told >us, “I never imagined how much of his life my son was >wasting into this fantasy stuff!” > >This incident has caused outrage and shock in all of >Weirdo, Ohio if not the entire nation. “That’s how the >aliens are watching us,” ranted local alien conspiracy >theorist Orwin Oswald. > >However, the incident has caused reverberations of >worry throughout the Internet. Several forum web sites >devoted to making ‘flame wars’ into a sport have been >completely shut down and one rural man in Texboro, >Mississippi wrote a letter of apology to a gay online >forum poster he regularly harassed for the purpose of >keeping the poster from coming to Texboro, Mississippi >to find him. “I read about the story in Weirdo, Ohio >on my Macintosh computer,” the man said, “And if >people can track you down because of some number in >your computer then I’m not using that thing ever >again!” > >- Jack (Fake, But Valuable) Parable
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