| Subject: Re: St Jean Chrysostome - How to Exist |
Author:
Thalia
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Date Posted: 06:37:55 02/20/08 Wed
In reply to:
Maryse
's message, "St Jean Chrysostome - How to Exist" on 02:04:46 02/20/08 Wed
Maryse and Mark,
I have learned so much from this posting thanks to both of you.
I like your funny story and thumbs up !
I believe that in the face of the abuser, we should use whatever strength we have at our disposal. I have a strong voice and once the abusers said to me "Lower your tone or else the neighbours would hear !". Little did I know that it was guilt and as you said the abuser fear more of their reputation than the victim.
Last year, I needed a tax certificate from a bank and the woman at the counter keep telling this and that and in the end, nothing was done. Therefore I went to the bank and started to shout so loudly (on purpose !) so that all the people in the queue started looking around. The woman was taken aback and phoned her superior immediately and told him in front of me "There is a woman in the bank making so much noise, please give her what she needs by this afternoon". With some people, being kind, sweet and lovely simply does not work, you have to bang the table and make your voice heard and make them aware that you exist that you are not asking the world, only what a bank is supposed to give you. When I left the bank, I felt so good, not for shouting at someone but for not letting someone take me for a ride and for not feeling guilty at all.
When I realised all the manipulations of the abusers, I started with the little things in life. For instance, if you are in the queue and someone comes in front of you, just say it kindly to the person and if the person is an abuser, then it's your chance to put into practice what you have learned (firmness)
If the abuser want to abuse you and take what away your self dignity, respect and freedom, then why not defend yourself with the means that you have available ? It is much better to have bad manners, a blow to one's reputation than to lose one's dignity, respect and freedom. I have a relative who for years have let herself being manipulated by her mother in law who uses all kinds of tricks. At the beginning of this year, she changed and she is no longer at her total mercy and she told me how good she felt and that she has restored her self respect and dignity.
I have been brought up as a roman Catholic where Jesus said "If someone slap you on your right cheek, give them your left cheek". Well, for many years, I did offer my left cheek because I thought this is what you call being a good and spiritual person ! Now I use my common sense and no longer offer my left cheek becasue I realise than I was simply stupid !
If I had tbe built of a body guard, I would no longer hesitate and grab the abuser and say "OUT of my house !".
NOW, I have to agree with Albert who once said to me on this forum "If someone slap me on my right cheek, I would give them one back and if they are not carefully, I would give them some bonus ones!".
About one's reputation ... If you have not stolen, hurt others and did many things that are wrong, then what is there to worry about ? Our reputation has value to us because of the image that we give back to others and we dig our self esteem in the reflection given by others. With meditation and spiritual work, we learn slowly that the only reputation that is important is the one where we look at ourself in the mirror.
About the "I Exist" ... it's strange that it is related to what has been said about Maryse and I. When Maryse has been accused of being also Thalia, this was my first reaction ...
I took my right hand and pinch my left arm and said out loud (nobody was at home) "I exist. I am a human being made out of blood and flesh. Why do you deny my very own existence ?". Just as I was about to jump up and down to prove to myself that I really exist, I realised how I have been influenced by something which is so nonsense and which made me react in a very strange way !
Some people in life just want to deny your own existance because they have no respect for you, put you at the end of the line because you have become a burden for you.
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