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Date Posted: 06:47:24 10/24/07 Wed
Author: Jeremy
Subject: My Marriage is Over

I feel like I need to tell this to someone and this seems the place to do it.

In September, my wife came out to me to tell me she was gay. I knew that she had struggled with same-sex attractions in the past and I could easily live her having bi-sexual feelings. I just never thought that she would be a full blown lesbian. She hasn't been seeing anyone. She hasn't even dated another woman. She just came to the realization for the previous months that she had absolutely no attraction to me, or any man, what so ever, but that she did to women.

We haven't been married long (it'll be 2 years in November) but I have built countless futures around this woman whom I love more than I thought possible to love another person. To know that she no longer can love me the same way; or even that she never did has shaken me the core of my being. I can't find purpose in life anymore, I just go through one day at a time with no clear goal in sight. Just go to work, come home, sleep (in a separate bedroom now) and repeat.

Since she came out to me, she has since come out to her family, my family and all of her friends. She also started to build a life that seems to actively exclude me. I know she had months to move through her mourning over our marriage before I did, but this still hurts almost as much as her not sharing my love in the first place.

How can I move on? We're in the process of filing of papers for a dissolution of marriage and I'm searching for my own apartment. But I'm always lonely and depressed. Even when I'm with other people. I fear that will get even worse when I'm living by myself. I can't afford counseling or medication of any kind. It seems I have to work through this alone, cold turkey-like. I just don't seem to have any where to turn.

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