Friday, May 2, 2008 - New servers are in! Click-in for more info!
VoyForums

[ VoyUser Login optional ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 12:22:32 10/24/07 Wed
Author: p
Subject: Re: My Marriage is Over
In reply to: Jeremy 's message, "My Marriage is Over" on 06:47:24 10/24/07 Wed

Welcome.
I'm so sorry for the circumstance that brings you here.
First, take care of YOU; your emotional and physical health. This may include seeing your physician to discuss the reality of depression. Know that accepting help in the form of talk therapy and medication is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you have the strength to take care of yourself. It also may include seeing an attorney in order to determine your options as a matter of being proactive rather than reactive.

She is a lesbian. She cannot love you in the way you love her. She may have wanted to. Many of our spouses did. It's just not likely. Are there exceptions? Of course. Such exceptions are known as "mixed orientation marriages". This often, not always, requires a great deal of latitude on the part of the str8 spouse allowing for extramarital relationships for the non-str8 spouse. And, the pursuit of an emotionally and sexually intimate relatinship for the str8 spouse.

If monogamy is important to you, as it was/is/becomes for many of us, then sadly, "gay trumps all". If at all possible, continue to communicate as openly and honestly as you can with your wife. The inclusion of reputable therapists can also make a significant difference in how the relationship evolves. Remember, you are not responsible for your wife's orientation nor for her mental well-being. She is an adult. There are (should be) consequences for behavior. Orientation is not a behavior. She can choose to be considerate, to conduct herself with integrity; or not.

Know that you've done nothing wrong.
Know that nothing either of you can do or say will change her orientation.

It may not seem so at this moment, but you are fortunate in that she was willing to be honest with you now, rather than 10 or 20 or 30 years from now.

This is a very fluid process. What may seem perfectly acceptable to you today or tomorrow can become wholly absurd to you. That's okay. You have every right to change your mind, to make decisions that are in YOUR best interest.

There is a grieving required in this experience. It is very much a death and the stages of grief visit each of us. This is normal and natural in the most abnormal of circumstances.

You might consider subscribing to the support groups listed at the top of the page. There are wonderful folks who "get it", who have survived this life-altering experience and can offer you a great deal.

Remember, you've done nothing wrong.
Please continue to post.

P

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[ VoyUser Login ] Not required to post.
Post a public reply to this message | Go post a new public message
 * Notice: Posting problems? [ Click here ]
 * HTML allowed in marked fields.
Message subject (required):

Name (required):

  Expression (Optional mood/title along with your name) Examples: (happy, sad, The Joyful, etc.) help)

  E-mail address (optional):

Type your message here:


Notice: Copies of your message may remain on this and other systems on internet. Please be respectful.

[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-4
VF Version: 2.94, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2008 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.