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Date Posted: 11:49:01 12/02/07 Sun
Author: Lewis
Subject: Re: My Marriage is Over
In reply to: Jeremy 's message, "My Marriage is Over" on 06:47:24 10/24/07 Wed

Nearly 40 years of marriage down the drain. She came out to me 5 years ago and at first involved herself in lesbian organizations and online chats. Two months ago she at long last found a weekend partner. So now she spends weekends with Jane while I remain alone and lonely. During the week she's back in our apartment trying to reassure me that she still loves me and that the other relationship is just "different." It's cold comfort.

Your experience is exactly like mine. The gay spouses take the position that it's inarguable. Fine. From the straight side, I view it as unforgivable. Humanly, socially, intimately, financially, in terms of our need for love and of our expectations that we would grow old together, at 67 years old after more than half a lifetime together, for my wife to have "found herself", "come out", "acknowledge what and who she really is" cannot be acceptable. I cannot start over again.

I feel your pain. In spite of all the cliches you'll read from others who are being kind to you, for me the best kindness is to tell you the truth: your hurt, your loneliness, your sense of betrayal, your disorientation may never go away. She, on the other hand, is now off to a bright new beginning, more filled with life and joy than she has ever had. You lose: she wins. Good luck.

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