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Date Posted: 12:15:39 12/02/07 Sun
Author: Beamer
Subject: Re: My Marriage is Over
In reply to: Lewis 's message, "Re: My Marriage is Over" on 11:49:01 12/02/07 Sun

Lewis,

I left my latently homosexul husband after having known him for most of my adult life ( over 40 years). At least your wife told you the truth. My husband remains unable to be honest even with himself perhaps.

I'm sure she does love you. Love, I don't believe is a finite comodity. It's like a candle, we an light many fires from it and it doesn't diminish the original flame.

I sure do understand your dismay, been there done that, felt like I'd been "taken" on and on ... but then I thought ," Ok, life was not "fair" to me... but who said life was going to be fair.

What happened to me was not what I'd have choosen even if it IS what I choose, but I can't go back to being 19 again and saying no I don't instead of the "I DO" that I did.

BUT Now... I do have a lot of power about what I choose to believe about my X and my self. I've done a lot of soul searching , alot of thinking... a lot of listening to others here and I've come to see that my X is just a product of HIS life.... HIS life is not my Life... My life is mine and I am Me. It's separate yet we can still have a relationship. Since I've stopped being angry and hurt at the effects of this long realationship on me, I've started to enjoy more of my life.

I figure that we are here on this life to enjoy life, as we have the capacity for it. You say you can't "start over". I'm not advocating anything ... not saying stay leave... you'll figure that out but just encouraging you to try to think about things from a different point of view if possible. One that would give you less pain.

Your wife only has one life to live. So do we all. We either fake what is really real or we live true. Just beause she has come out to you doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Give yourself a chance to believe that learning to think about this in a different way could result in your feeling better.

What does feeling so much anger and sadness do for you?
You deserve to feel good. Perhaps getting some professional help might be a good thing to do if you have acess to it. If not you might want to investigate some techniques online that can help you to learn some new ways of looking at how what you choose to believe effects your feelings.

I was involved with a site that did just such a thing in the name of helping people with addictions. The form I'm talking about is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Just trying to help. I have compassion for you.

Love and Light,
Beamer

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