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Date Posted: 13:28:53 12/04/07 Tue
Author: Cherrie
Subject: Re: My Marriage is Over
In reply to: Elly 's message, "Re: My Marriage is Over" on 07:51:36 12/02/07 Sun

"Not allowed to tell anyone".... ? I hemmed and hawed about that one for a very long time. And if I had not gotten my ex to agree to tell our son, I would have told our son. The boy is an adult, but even adult children have a right to understand what's going on between their parents.

But, in retrospect, I really wish I had confided in one of my sisters a very long time ago. When you keep your spouse's secret, you are in effect closeting yourself just as much as he/she is closeted. And going through that kind of emotional agony without being "allowed" to talk to a sole is really difficult.

And I found out later that he had been talking to people he trusted. I guess I was supposed to keep his secret to the death, but he could hunt down people to confide in.

Ticked me off quite a bit. :-)

Anyway, "not allowed" kind of jumped out at me because that was how I felt and it wasn't true. You are allowed if you want to. Of course, none of us want to do anything ruinous to our spouses. (Well, my cousin's ex-wife did. She outed him to everybody he worked with. But Dr. Phil would say, "Now, was that a gracious thing to have done? I think not.") :-)

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