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Date Posted: 22:04:19 03/26/08 Wed
Author: Nick
Subject: I have no one else to talk to about this...

Hello,

I'll try to keep this brief...but all of you know how difficult that can be.

My wife and I are 25 years old, and this October will be our sixth year together (a year and a half of that married).

Several months before our wedding date (we had a long engagement), I encouraged my wife to try and understand what might be lesbian or bisexual preferences. I wanted to make sure that we were starting our marriage honestly, and that I wouldn't find out at 40 that my wife was a lesbian.

She made several lesbian friends, went to lesbian clubs, read lesbian literature, etc...I supported her as long as she was faithful, and I trust that she has been.

After a few months of this "discovery", she decided that while she definitely was attracted to women, she was still attracted to me and that what we had satisfied her.

We got married, and things have been great until now.

I confronted her about some of her recent moodiness, and it came out that she is scared about the possibility of her being a full lesbian. Like our previous concerns, she doesn't want it to hit her at 40 when there might be children, a house, etc...

She says she feels a certain "emptiness", and that she doesn't know if having a woman in her life will change that. We've tried to fill this emptiness with church, volunteer activities, hobbies, etc...(please keep in mind that we were addressing her "emptiness", and not what we thought was lesbianism). She's seeing a therapist for anxiety/depression, and she's currently taking some medication. It isn't helping.

At this point, I feel it's important to give a brief description of our relationship. We really do seem like "soul mates", and everyone we know envies our chemistry. We are alike in so many ways, and I love her more now than I did six years ago. We have a very loving, understanding, and supportive relationship. Our lives are incredibly intertwined, and we've changed jobs, friends, etc...for each other.

So...right now, we're looking into finding a therapist who understands the situation and is impartial. I know that any "standard" therapist will try to "fix" her lesbian tendencies, while a standard "GLB" therapist will immediately push me out of the equation (I've spoken with several during the first "incident", and this happened universally).

We want to salvage our marriage, as we simply have a unique, one of a kind bond with each other.

However, neither of us have the tools to do so...and neither of us know if that is possible.

Does anyone have any advice?

Does anyone have any experience with situations like this that ended with the marriage intact?

Does anyone know of good techniques, practices, etc...that may save our marriage?

I'm a grown man, a former Marine, and a former martial arts instructor...and yet each day I feel like I'm inches away from sobbing like a child.

I need direction.

Please help.

(I'm willing to provide my email and phone number if someone may be able to help)

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