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Date Posted: 01:34:11 03/28/08 Fri
Author: TT
Subject: Re:One of a kind bond
In reply to: Nick 's message, "I have no one else to talk to about this..." on 22:04:19 03/26/08 Wed

I have a very unique, special, precious one of a kind bond with my gay ex-husband. We were together for 10 years before we got married, 5 years of it with my knowledge of his gayness, and were married for 14 years. However, after 14 years of trying to keep the marriage going, I realized that if we wanted to save this special, unique, deep bond with this man, the only way to do it without diminishing each of our personhood, with our sexuality included, was to let go of the marriage.

Is it the "marriage" of the special bond that you want to save? Is "marriage" necessary or even helpful for the bond you share? With the marriage comes the expectation of physical/sexual/erotic freedom and intimacy with your spouse. My gay husband was not able to sustain this with me and I was not able to give what he needed. So we redefined our relationship....it is no longer conjugal or spousal, but our bond is still strong and unique, only more free, because we have released each other from that impossible/misplaced expectation. Losing the marriage does not mean losing the relationship. Just the label. Just my experience. TT

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