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Date Posted: 07:02:38 04/15/08 Tue
Author: Beamer
Subject: Re: need some support
In reply to: sophie 's message, "Re: need some support" on 20:19:24 04/14/08 Mon

Sophie,
I understand what your saying when you say that you do have some connection with this man. I personally have come to the conclusion that I can still have some relationship with the father of my children. We have many holidays with the children and everyone seems to enjoy it.

Sometimes he calls me when he needs to talk to someone and I always give him the best advice I can, but I no longer worry if he will really hear it or not.

I'm no longer angry with him that he is unable to "come out" openly, although he does disappear to a foreign country to do as he needs frequently. What is his need is HIS. I've let go of that... I accept that his problems are his and I no longer need to help him with that or to encourage him to "deal with it".

So staying in a relationship that doesn't offer intimacy or sexual satisfaction is not required to have the good part of what you have. Staying in that relationship only seems to limit your ability to ever come close to having what you might find you enjoy on a deep deep level... maybe you will find it, maybe you won't. It's about not putting yourself in a possition to rule out trying I think.

Of course he wants to keep you. My X wanted to keep me too, but for all the wrong reasons... I was functional on so many levels for him.. he has to pay to get his house cleaned now. He never once really asked me to come back because deep down inside he felt like my leaving gave him an open door to have what he has always really wanted deep deep down inside.... but been afraid to be seen wanting.

He is still afraid, but that is his problem I become less afraid with each new day because each new day offers me evidence that I am not only surviving, I'm thriving, growing leaning and feeling things that I never dreamed I could. Feelings that are numbed awaken and in that there is the unspeakable sense of triumph.

Love and Light,
Beamer

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