Friday, May 2, 2008 - New servers are in! Click-in for more info!
VoyForums

[ VoyUser Login optional ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 06:53:42 04/18/08 Fri
Author: Beamer
Subject: Re: How
In reply to: Jeremy 's message, "How" on 10:23:24 04/17/08 Thu

Jeremy,
I think that each person's situation is different, people find out differently after having "endured" for different periods of times.

My X husband is latent, refuses or is (unable) to come out at this point in his life. This further complicates the situation because at times people point fingers at me saying im crazy or wrong, but I've learned to deal with all of it with time.

My X had a considerable alcohol and drug problem which I personally believe is part of having the pain of repressing a problem such as the one he has.

I personally had a drug problem in the distant pass which I now see was caused by the pain that the relationship created for me as I felt insufficient on a deep sub concious level.

I got lucky and had a HUGE trauma visit my life in which my X husband did the best he could to help me deal with it. I won't go into the details of it, because they are epic in proportion but what happened was that I became aware of the fact that my beliefs had helped to shape the "trauma"... I came through much pain, suffering and time to see that it's not the THINGS that happen to us, but what we BELIEVE about them that make the situation what it is.

This was the beginning of me learning how to deal with my life and eventually with the realization that my husband was a homosexual latent or not...

I later discovered a site online that promoted learing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to deal with problems of addiction. I got very involved with this group because I knew that what we choose to BELIEVE does effect how we FEEL and our feelings create our actions.

Right now you are angry because ( I assume) you believe that something has been done TO you.

For me, my way of coming to peace with my situation has been to come to understand that his life ( my X) is his, and I do believe that he has done the best he could with his life. He made the choices he made not to try to hurt anyone but to try to survive in a society that is far from accepting or perfect.

Thinking that something SHOULD have been this or that does little.

Ask yourself is there ANYTHING that I can do to change the past? No , we can not change the past.

Do I really think that things were done intentionally to plot against me , make me unhappy , miserable , or to make me feel small insufficient and in pain.?

No, I do not think that was so.

Do I really think that my X did the best he could in his life to try to survive on his deepest level while trying to interface with me and a world which he believes will not accept him?

Yes I do...

Has this been traumatic for you?
YES it has...

Trauma has a way of giving us so much more than the numbness that follows it. As that numbness thaws we come into a new and strange place which will require us to make some decisions.

We can be angry which to me is a form of fear... or we can become full of faith in our selves that can allow us to make decisions that are full of hope and embracing a world in which we can find happiness.

Making a mistake in judgement is just human. We are fallible human beings, capable of adaptation, and when we go through difficulties we learn new skills that may not be apparent and our hearts become larger in the process unless we allow them to harden in fear and anger is my belief.

Accept her as she is... release the relationship you had so you can have ( or not have) a new one.
Accept your self as you are right now and know that you are an imperfect human who can adapt and thrive in life.

You have asked others.. how do you do this... what I do?
You won't do what any other person here has done... I bet.
Why because your just YOU Jeremy... Jeremy is special in his own way and you are I think an open person, because your scanning outside of your self...looking for ways to help you to adapt... You have a desire to adapt...

There is a saying... beware of what you want, because you will get it.

I'd say... you'll get it.

Life is like weather, sometimes it rains and storms... but the sun always comes out and when we feel the warmth of it, sometimes especially after the rain... we move our faces into that warmth with eyes closed and images begin to form behind our warmed eyes...

Sometimes standing in the rain is part of getting to the new images we can imagine in our lives.

Love and Light,
Beamer

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

  • Re: How -- Bob, 12:23:28 04/21/08 Mon
    [ VoyUser Login ] Not required to post.
    Post a public reply to this message | Go post a new public message
     * Notice: Posting problems? [ Click here ]
     * HTML allowed in marked fields.
    Message subject (required):

    Name (required):

      Expression (Optional mood/title along with your name) Examples: (happy, sad, The Joyful, etc.) help)

      E-mail address (optional):

    Type your message here:


    Notice: Copies of your message may remain on this and other systems on internet. Please be respectful.

    [ Contact Forum Admin ]

    Forum timezone: GMT-4
    VF Version: 2.94, ConfDB:
    Before posting please read our privacy policy.
    VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
    Copyright © 1998-2008 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.