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Date Posted: 13:03:02 04/30/08 Wed
Author: p
Subject: Re: need some support
In reply to: Elise 's message, "Re: need some support" on 20:55:29 04/29/08 Tue

Elise,

I'm not sure that there is anything more painful that wanting the kind of love we deserve and knowing that it will never happen with our current partner/spouse.

There is nothing villainous about wanting your heart to heal and then, perhaps, become joyful again.

No one knows his motivation. No one knows his heart. He has already been prety candid with you. Making the choice to end the relationship may not be easy, but seem that it would be emotionally healthy for both of you. I'm still not really buying the ED excuse/explanation. You are "not enough" for him; not because of anything you can or cannot do.

Work on changing that phrase in your head from "not enough" to "plenty". You are "plenty" for yourself and likely for someone str8.

You said that you haven't made a decision yet for a myriad of/no particular reasons. Make a list; literally.
Make a list of the "good reasons" (I can't really think of any unless there is money involved...and even then, not really) to stay and "good reasons" to go.

If the "bi" (gay) "thing" bothers you, then it bothers you. Nothing wrong with that. It's honest and it's how you feel. Own it. No apologies necessary. Not everyone is willing or able to share. I thought I could. I was mistaken.

If he's gay, hooray for him. Really. Not being with you will allow him to determine what and who it is he really wants. If he's bi, then not having a relationship with you will give him the latitude to determine what is best for him without any emotion attached to his relationship with you.

You deserve the opportunity to move through this experience and explore the possibilty of finding a relationship that is more emotionally and sexually fulfilling, not to mention less physiologically risky. (He may say that the affair was not physical; not sure that I'd be willing to buy that story, especially if he can "finish" without any contact with you. Only my opinion, makes me suspicious nevertheless. Just because he says it may be more a matter of what he wants you to believe.)

Simply, if this isn't "okay" with you. Then it isn't.
You're not responsible for his state-of-mind. Sounds as if you're not being allowed to contribute to the sexual intimacy in the relationship and he certainly isn't willing or able to meet your needs either. THat isn't a criticism at all. It's just reminding you of what you wrote yourself.

Re-read your posts.
Is this really what you want?

Do what feels right for YOU.
He can take care of himself. (ahem)

P

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