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Date Posted: 00:35:39 05/03/08 Sat
Author: p
Subject: Re: Can we go back
In reply to: Cara 's message, "Can we go back" on 16:56:54 05/01/08 Thu

You asked.
He can't: be gay one day not the next.
He can want to come home for a number of reasons, most important, in my view, is that you represent everything he doesn't have right now.

You're not his therapist.
His need for anti-depressants is not your responsibility. He isn't "broken". He's chosing to behave in that way.
Many of our husbands were very sad when the marriage ended. Mine was. We were both sad. He came back more than once. We actually attempted a MOM for almost two years. Thankfully, as much as he said the words and wished it be so (being sexually intimate with me) he was gay; was, is, always will be.

Remember what it was like?
Was he completely devoted to you? Was your sex life fabulous for each of you? Was he honest? Was he everything you wanted him to be (Really and truly?) Well, he's had a lover since and they didn't break up because he wasn't gay. They broke up because he missed what the two of you represented.

That isn't a criticism. It's a description of the circumstances many of us experienced. You said you were afraid to be alone at 50. Unless he was very different from most closeted married spouses, you were alone and lonely with him in bed beside you.

Now, if you believe that you can allow him to move back in with boundaries that include whatever YOU choose to do, that may be an option. That said, it's very likely that sooner or later another gay lover will come along. Are you going to be ready, willing, and able to send him off with your blessing?

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Replies:

  • Re: Can we go back -- sophie, 00:55:40 05/04/08 Sun
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