Friday, May 2, 2008 - New servers are in! Click-in for more info!
VoyForums

[ VoyUser Login optional ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 00:29:43 05/07/08 Wed
Author: kayh
Subject: Re: Can we go back
In reply to: Cara 's message, "Can we go back" on 16:56:54 05/01/08 Thu

So sorry that you find yourself in this pickle. When I was going through this mess, I found that some of the tough questions and honest comments people posed on this site really helped me with introspection, so here goes:

"Now he is a broken man on anti depressants and has no life. I believe he wants to come home."

I can only comment from my own experience and from the experiences of others I've seen in this situation since I joined this club-I-never-wanted-to-join, but an awful lot of us seem to have let our actions be ruled by "what he wants." That old waiting-to-see-what-the-gay-spouse-is-going-to-do limbo in which so many of us trap ourselves (including yours truly)is a form of jail for which it turns out you have the key if you would just dare use it.

You say that he is a broken man, has no life, you think he wants to come home...well, what about what you want? Taking him back because you think that life is over for you at 50 is a: not true; just wait until you've started putting yourself out there again--so much joy (yes, joy!) awaits you, and b: never a reason to put up with less than what you deserve. What's the magic age at which you suddenly become so decrepit that no one else will possibly want you or the number at which you decide that trying again or trying it alone just isn't worth it? Right now your self-esteem is so strangled that you're just trying to catch your breath, but when you move forward, or grieve forward, or whatever it is we do, you'll see that your 50-year-old self is just as wonderful and worthy as any pair of 25-year-olds. As I stated in an earlier post to someone else, you might ask yourself, is this what you would want your child to settle for?

"The way he acted was so out of character for him as he is at heart a good honourable man."

Well, maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but again, from my experience, when you have been married for many years, your viewpoint tends to be distorted. If you got away from him and started seeing all the nice men (and some not so nice) out there, he might not come out looking so great. Your emotions still hold so much sway. Wouldn't it be more logical that if the way he acted was really out of character for him, then he wouldn't have acted as he did? Might it be that you were just finally seeing the true character that he had been stuffing back into the far reaches of his closet for years?

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[ VoyUser Login ] Not required to post.
Post a public reply to this message | Go post a new public message
 * Notice: Posting problems? [ Click here ]
 * HTML allowed in marked fields.
Message subject (required):

Name (required):

  Expression (Optional mood/title along with your name) Examples: (happy, sad, The Joyful, etc.) help)

  E-mail address (optional):

Type your message here:


Notice: Copies of your message may remain on this and other systems on internet. Please be respectful.

[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-4
VF Version: 2.94, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2008 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.