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Date Posted: 21:39:08 05/07/08 Wed
Author: kayh
Subject: Re: Can we go back
In reply to: Cara 's message, "Can we go back" on 16:56:54 05/01/08 Thu

"My husband of 25 years told me he had met a man was questioning his sexuality and moved out... But how can he possibly be gay one day and then not even though he was supposedly straight all his life."

You do understand, don't you, that he was doubtlessly questioning his sexuality long before he met the man?
"How can he possibly be gay and then not?" You're right; it's not possible. Think about this: How often do you hear of a 50-year-old gay man, in a same-sex relationship for 25 years, who suddenly wakes up one day, sits straight up, and says, "Honey, I think I may be straight!" Doesn't happen. And it doesn't happen in reverse for 50-year-old "straight" men, either. You don't suddenly change your sexuality halfway through your life. These men have known of their proclivities for years--most you might discover had encounters as early as puberty. It wasn't "OK" for them to act on these impulses, they stuffed them down, lived a staged charade--and we were their prop mistresses.
Your fellow might be waffling (if he really is) because the first time out of the closet wasn't funzapoppin every minute of the day, or it might be that he enjoyed the thrill of illicit, men's public restroom encounters, or his partner might have been turned off by his back hair, or it might be a hundred things--including missing the sentimental aspects of family life. None of them matter--he is drawn to what he's drawn to, and it's not a mysterious malady with which he was stricken on his fiftieth birthday. And it no longer needs to be your problem if you don't want it to be because you can't fix it anyway (a devastating realization if, like so many of us, you are a "fixer"). I think deep down you probably know this.

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Replies:

  • Re: Can we go back -- Beamer, 09:32:18 05/09/08 Fri
  • Re: Can we go back -- Liz, 16:59:10 05/09/08 Fri
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