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Date Posted: 19:49:30 06/12/08 Thu
Author: Alison
Subject: Re: Collateral Damage
In reply to: Liz 's message, "Re: Collateral Damage" on 17:21:59 06/12/08 Thu

I too can relate to this however my ex was very clever at lying or perhaps he did truly love me once upon a time - he says he did but how can i truly believe him after a life built on lies? and more importantly, does it matter to me anymore?

My concern is for my daughters and i desperately hope that they grow up as unaffected by all this mess he has created as possible. They found out about their dad at Easter, we had split up in January. Since the night he told them they have not wanted to see him. I wont lie and tell you I am not happy about that. Although it is their decision I truly hope they stay the same as they are now as I believe the life we have now is much richer as it is not based on lies. It is hard for me to look at my girls with the realisation that had i have known who and what their father was I would never have had children with him. Call me old fashioned but if you choose to be gay, having children is not on the agenda!

What sort of example is this setting them? Especially considering their father threw everything away for a 17 year old boy who looks much younger and my girls once thought of as a brother. I can totally understand why they dont want that kind of influence in their lives, how can they respect that?

These past 6 months have been a hellish journey but now I am having more good days than bad. It is incredible that he is now blaming ME for the fact that his daughters dont want him in their lives right now.

Sometimes I get really angry at the whole situation but this is a situation he has caused and he has to take the consequences of his actions. In time they may want him in their lives but at the moment they are truly so disgusted by him that it is something they dont want any involvement in.

I am quite fortunate in the fact that my kids speak to me about they are feeling. I dont try to sway their decision but then i dont lie to them either so they know from me they are getting honesty and hopefully that will make them feel secure enough to get on with their lives in a positive way. I am proud of them both, they have had to grow up so much since this all happened and I feel sad about that, this is something that should never blight a young childs life,

Keep looking on the positive side of life, after all we have the complete love and respect of our children and we are the ones trying to keep their lives as normal as possible which is not easy on that single budget!

Wishing for us all to find peace in our lives and maybe when the time is right, find a man who truly loves us for who we are xxx

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