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Date Posted: 13:17:27 08/31/08 Sun
Author: Thomas
Subject: Re: My apologies to all...
In reply to: Thomas 's message, "My apologies to all..." on 18:06:18 08/30/08 Sat

Thank you Cathy & Liz for your comments and sharing some of your stories with me. It sees as though we all feel like we are the only ones going thru a terrible situation or were the only ones who have been burned by someone vial and deviate person.

I'm not sure how this could come into play for me to say I know how you ladies are feeling because I have kind of a similar situation that I'd like to share with all of you. My situation is almost the same just reversed (if you can wrap your thoughts around that).

When I ended my relationship with the Girl that I did truely love (and it was non-sexual, I did not see her as a sex object) a short time later I was introduced by a gay friend to my first experience of going to a gay bar. I was afraid and thought how am I going to be in a bar filled with people (men and women) and try to pick out the 1 or 2 other gay men other than myself. I did not want to make the wrong choice and pick a str8 man and get beat up by asking him if he was gay and would like to dance. Ha-ha, little did I know it was the other way around. The place was packed full of Gay Men and I had men all night long come up to me and say "uh, you do know this IS a gay bar and the str8 bar is down the street". Well anyway after going there a few months to be around people such as myself I met someone. It started by him asking if I wanted to dance. I said yes and we danced for hours, those hours turned into every week-end and after 5 months of seeing each other we started our relationship and moved in together (BIG mistake). I know you are all probabally wondering how this is the same... well lets fast forward thru all the pain and abuse I suffered in those 8 years.

At the very begining we both knew that our families knew of our sexuality so that was a good match. I told him I had been with woman sexually before I met him and he had said he had not - okay no big deal we accepted each others sexual past so to speak. Well he was a very jealous person and kept me sheltered from the world. Could not have friends, not go out and he even had problems with me being close to my family. He was mentally verbally and physically abusive. He had me pinned emotionally.

I knew it was nothing I was doing wrong but yet I took the blame on everything. All of sudden I was noticing weird things around the house, we were getting late night phone calls, mysterious car pulling into the driveway at 4AM, person getting out and looking in the back window all in the snow leaving foot prints. There was a different cigarette wrapper on the floor in the foyer of our home and the radio station had been changed on my stereo. When I confronted him about all this he did what any man would do... he turned it around and yelled "who are you cheating with". I was floored, could not believe I was being accused of cheating when he knew my every whereabouts, checked my pay check to make sure I worked the hours I did to equal the time away from home and various other things. I kept getting more red flags thru out the 8 years and finally I had to leave. Not because I thought he was cheating on me with another man but I had get out for my own sanity.

Well as it turned out after I left him what did he do. He married a Woman. WHAT, you got to be kidding me; after 8 years of being together, being strapped down emotionally as well as financially and all the mental anguish that I endured you are now married to a Lady. How, why, when... those all ran thru my head as I needed to know was our relationship just a BIG lie and meant nothing to him. Did only pretend to be a gay man just for money and have it made on easy street, what I have to know. I felt hatred, betrayed, lied to and most of all the Worlds BIGGEST jack A--. How could I not have known? Not to give "TMI" but we were sexually active - ALL the time. In fact he had to be sexual always and if I was not wanting to he would just force it. After a couple of years I finally stopped blaming myself and I now longer felt sorry for myself but felt sorry for His Wife. For she probablly did not know about his last relationship or sexual identity. I knew I gave it my all in the relationship and wondered how it could have went from bad to worse. I knew I should have been smarter than I was when he had a female co-worker come to the house one day and she was all over him. He called me his "roommate" and she was making all kinds of sexual comments to him and groping him and he played it off like it was no big deal. No big deal.... in front of me and in my own home. This happening to a Guy who claims he never had sex with a woman. Boy was I stupid.

Oh in case anybody wonders how I knew he got married. His wedding picture (well more like a big write up) was in the paper. He and his Wife who he worked with had a unusual wedding... they got married at work where the met. You want to know another slap in the face for me was. He & I early on always talked about if one day we were allowed to get married we were going to have the colors be blue and white. Anyone want to take a guess on what their colors were....hmmmm!

Ok enuff of my insane venting but hopefully I showed the other side of how this kind of thing happens to unsuspecting partners. and please don't pass my story off as being made up. Every bit I've said is true besides I still have his wedding photo from the paper.

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