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Date Posted: 12:17:24 09/03/08 Wed
Author: Thomas
Subject: Re:No apologies just an ear to listen
In reply to: Alison 's message, "Re:No apologies just an ear to listen" on 22:03:47 09/01/08 Mon

Thank You Alison for your comments and sharing your story.

As you stated some greatness has come about your Marriage and that is your cherished girls. No matter what you will always be attached to your Ex through your Children but that is not a bad thing. You take the good out of the bad since not all aspects of a situation was bad.

Glad to hear that you are now in that "great" relationship stage and where you need to be in this point of your life! Not only will you benefit from your relationship but your children will as well in many different ways. Give them time to heal and listen when they need to talk. Sometimes being blunt versus side stepping issues makes things clearer in the end.

As for how your Girls found out about their Dad is very disturbing. The part about your "lodger" has Me concerned that not only did your Ex ruin your young girls in emotional ways he also ruined a 17 Y/O boys as well. Not sure about your state but that seems to be illegal for an adult with a child under the age 18. This must have been a "room for rent" type of arrangement and if so your husband sounds like in his eyes, he had best of both worlds. Married Men who are sexual with other Men (married, single, bi or gay) feel as though at the very least they are bi. Why? Because most don't or won't fall in love with a Man, nor share a bed to (sleep) in or give flowers and candy to on Valentines day announcing their love. To them it's just "sex" and if its all hidden,closeted and on the "down low" no one finds out, they got what they needed and then step back into their picture perfect painted life with the wife and kids and society will never know the difference. But eventually this two sided life style starts to unravel and then ultimately everyone involved gets hurt.

As for your Girls not trusting gay people, give them time they may eventually decide to give others a chance for who they are and not because it is a personal issue. Who knows they may befriend a gay child in school and see that "that" child is taking a stand at an early age to be accounted for as gay/bi or even A sexual and not hiding. Sad to say but society is responsable for slamming the closet door shut and trying to keep "all" gay people hidden. sort of like what happened to mentally challenged people that were shunned, hidden or intutionalized to keep them away from the general population all because people were ashamed of them.

Even though I know it would devastate a larger # of Women than we could ever imagine. I believe (just my own opinion) that more Wives should follow up on their husbands. They just might be shocked as to what Guys are doing out there. If early detected then the sooner for consueling then the healing.

Take care Alison and I truely hope You and Your Girls will heal from all of this very quickly and bounce back and stand tall along side of "all" others who have endured the same situation.

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