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Date Posted: 21:29:35 09/04/08 Thu
Author: Alison
Subject: Re:No apologies just an ear to listen
In reply to: Thomas 's message, "Re:No apologies just an ear to listen" on 12:17:24 09/03/08 Wed

Hi Thomas, thanks for taking the time to post a reply.
I live in the UK and the legal age for gay relationships is 16. However I am utterly shocked and disgusted at my ex for going with this child as at 35, he is old enough to be the boys dad.

The boy was known to the family, my husband and I used to teach him as he was a member of our team [not education]. Everyone says I should hate the boy for what has happened but altho i dont like him [didnt like him before i found out he and my ex were having a sexual relationship], I wont blame him. When they started their affair last November, the boy had just turned 17. He idolises my ex and hero worships him and wants to achieve the same in our sport as what my ex did. He was a very mixed up kid with a lot of family problems and emotional issues and I strongly feel that my ex took advantage of a vulnerable and impressionable young child.

I think some of what you are saying about some men wanting that window of respectability but at the same time sleeping with men rings true of my ex at that time. He had the gall to buy me an eternity ring for christmas knowing the importance i put on the sentiment of that ring. Was he hoping that would quieten my fears and suspicions?

The funny thing is, when i asked him if there was anything going on between him and the kid he said to me 'For f*** sake he's a kid, what do you take me for?' --- well, he has admitted and said it himself hasnt he!

If he wants to be gay I dont care, I have realised a lot about our relationship and have found that what he does is irrelevant to me however I just wish, for the sake of my daughters, that he would find a MAN, someone on his own level and not a 17 year old boy who believe me I am not exagerrating, looks like a 13 year old child! Even my eldest daughter who is 12 has said to me how disgusted she is at the fact the boy is only 5 years older than herself yet her own body is more adult! Such a true statement from one so young forced to grow up too quickly due to the sins of the father!

So I altho i realise now that he has set me free, it is the deep hurt and anguish inside my girls that worries me. I am open with them and we talk whenever they want to. I have taken the view now that there will be no more lies in this family, we have lived a lie for long enough so no more!

I am not anti gay, I have gay friends, both male and female, but i am noticing more and more that my daughters do not want to see or talk to the men. I just hope with time they can get over this and go into their adult lives without this hang up but feel powerless as really dont know what to do for the best. So guess I just concentrate on being the best mum i can for them and showering them with love.

Love Alison xxx

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