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Date Posted: 09:39:13 06/22/09 Mon
Author: Kev (Thanks liz, but its ok)
Subject: Re: My wife came out, badly.
In reply to: Liz 's message, "Re: My wife came out, badly." on 03:02:53 06/22/09 Mon

Liz.
Thanks for leaping to my defence, but I think Bob meant well.

First, Its good for me to see that people are happy after this. And in many ways Bob is right. I need to get over this, and get on with my life. That is my aim.

And I am moving forward, but it is hard. When I wrote this thread I was in huge pain. I still have no focus for my anger, which rears itself destructively (like today) and rages against the world. Thankfully I've stopped (largely) being homophobic.

Its not the same as If she had left me for a man - I would find that easy. I would have gotten angry (at her) and gotten over. I wouldnt see every woman as being a lesbian. I would have 'a chance' with her in the future. I wouldn't feel any desire to be friends. I wouldnt miss her so much or be angry at myself for feeling this way.

There hasnt been as much deciet or lies as i thought (I've learned more since posting this and theres a second part) So there isnt even a sense of betrayal. Its hard to be angry at someone who is acting on their nature rather than by pure choice. I am still angry and rejected though. Its the confusion and conflict IN ME that is the killer - And I felt none of that in a straight break up.

Bob is right that I must concentrate on me, but after years of looking after her, I'm finding that hard. She asked me, in the end, what made me happy - I truly didnt know - and still dont. Thats hard.

I want to heal NOW. Its not FAIR that she gets to live her 'authentic fucking life' and mine is shot to shit in the process, but in the end what else could she do? Yes she could have done it better, but the outcome is the same.

It all just goes around and around.

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