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Date Posted: 19:49:28 07/02/09 Thu
Author: Alison (Happy but in reflective mood!)
Subject: Re: Secret Lives
In reply to: David 's message, "Re: Secret Lives" on 02:20:32 06/29/09 Mon

I don't know David, I think the therapist sort of has a point if he/she was referring to the amount of time you have lived with and loved somebody and never truly knew them, so obviously the older you are, and after spending what some may call the 'prime' of their lives with someone who deceived them so cruely, then yes, it does take time to recover from the experience. It doesnt mean that we have to wallow in self pity, the whole 'woe is me' is not for me, I did my grieving and moved on with my life. I firmly believe in what can't kill you can only make you stronger and yes, you also learn from the experience and move on.

My ex husband had been in my life for 23 years, married for almost 13 of them, when he came out of his closet in a really cruel way. He was carrying on with our 17 year old lodger who called him dad and who my kids thought of as a brother, albeit very annoying one! I felt helpless at first as I knew there was nothing i could do about his sexuality and also knew that there was no way i could ever get back with him as he had crossed that line. To me, real men do not want to sleep with other men, or in the exes case, boys! I spent months taking baby steps, falling down, then picking myself back up again. I refused to be a victim as that would have knocked me down further.

The whole transition to single mum was hard and new - but i did it and my girls and i have done more together since he went than we ever did as a family and it has brought us closer together.

I will never forgive him for the hurt he has caused my children BUT I thank him for what it has done for me. I am now in the most loving and satisfying relationship with a man who loves me and is always complimenting me and making me feel so good about myself. It's amazing what you dont see when you are in these relationships but now i see the difference and am so much happier. If someone was to offer me my old life back i would laugh and say no way!

I can even speak with the ex now, I dont particularly like him and we will never be best of friends, but i wish him no malice.

I look at what I have now and look at him and what he has and i know that out of the two of us I have come out of this better off. It's been an incredible journey, I've found me, I like me and am so much more confident and happy in my own skin. So I guess i can say I've got my groove back! lol

Peace and love to you all xxx

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