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Date Posted: 01:14:45 07/20/09 Mon
Author: p
Subject: Re: Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years??
In reply to: Tim 's message, "Re: Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years??" on 18:39:23 07/19/09 Sun

If homosexuality is as acceptable as "Leave It To Beaver", then hooray!

If gay folks are finally able to be united either by law or by the churches who choose to do so, then perhaps there will be a few less of us. Perhaps someone's daughter won't be sacrificed at an altar as I was. Being gay isn't "the threat to the family". The Closet was the threat to my family. Gay folks, for the most part, don't want to marry
us. (of course there will always be exceptions) What "they" want (some not all) is to have "normal"
Given the poor example of marriage longevity demonstrated by the heterosexual world, the suggestion of some that there is something inherently "better" in heterosexual marriages defies statitistics.

Orientation is completely different from behavior.
Not all gay married men choose to cheat (even if some did choose to deceive their brides). Not all married lesbians choose to cheat before disclosing.

I adored my former husband; I thought. I adored being a coupled. I was proud that we had such history together. Thirty years is a long time. What I didn't enjoy were the moods, the need to control, the lack of sexual intimacy; all issues for which I blamed myself and attempted to correct.

Thank GOD he finally told me the truth. It took great courage. That said, his behaviors that he had/has attempted to excuse as his "need to be authentic" have nothing to do with being gay. They have to do with making poor choices. There is a distinct difference in my view.

Diff didn't choose to be gay. Who would?
The father of my children didn't choose to be gay. He wanted "normal". It was his church, our church, who encouraged him to marry. I lay as much of the blame at the institution as I do him.

None of us deserved this, but it's now a part of our lives.
There are stages of grief and one of them is anger. It is common and something that most of us have experienced, more than once sometimes.

I learned that the opposite of love isn't hate. It is ambivalence. I hope you, everyone here, can find and celebrate their ambivalence! It allows for progress and moving through the really tough times.

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