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Date Posted: 11:23:10 09/14/09 Mon
Author: Rose (unsure)
Subject: transgendered awol father of my son

Wow, a group of people who have issues like mine - wow, again. I divorced my husband after 6 years; he was kinda odd and very needy/emotional and on some level I guess, I knew something was amiss.. ok, fine - divorce was lengthy and through it all we were semi cordial and delt with it in a way that it would not bother our (the 6month old son). Skip 4 years ahead, he lost his sister to cancer in a quick and devastating fashion and then his behaviors began to get a little odd. At first it was the fingernail polish, then the makeup and the wearing of his sisters clothes. Ok, grief (i was thinking) can show itself in different ways in some people. Ok, we talked, asked him not to show up at our sons soccor games with the garb and the decorations... fine. Then he up and tells me he is moving to san francisco and wants to take our son to his place (with someone he called his girlfriend) to stay for the nights he had him. I put my foot down and said not if I didn't meet this person first... He took our son there twice (my son told me about this person and that he didn't like her). Ok, so our son then summarily refuses to go with him anymore... after 4 days of this. The ex just up and disappears from the spectrum... no calls to his son, nothing. After 2 month of dealing with this with my son, getting no answers from even his family and having to try to explain to the (the 4 yr old) child where his dad is - my ex's mom calls me and tells me that my ex: has married a transgendered man (was a man, now a woman) and that he himself is also going to become a woman. Shock; ok maybe not so much shock about the news but about the repercussions that this will have on my son and questioning why he would marry someone if he has felt this since grade school. After now 8 months of not talking to his son (or me, but i could care less), I am no closer to an answer about what to tell my son. I have been telling him that his dad moved and I don't know where he is... but that is only gonna work so long. Anyone out there with advise or a even close to similar situation? Would appreciate anything at this point. I talked to a child psychiatrist and he said if his father is not ever going to be a part of his life, to never bring him up; to also discuss this with the ex-inlaws, if they can not cooperate, than I need to discontinue my sons relationship with them as well. I, logically, understand this, however - he has already lost the father, how can I as well take away the grandparents and cousins? I am sorta wandering around in this quagmire / catch 22 zone of confusion about what to tell my sweet 5 yr old son... but not ruin his life or his perceptions of life at such a young and impressionable age.

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