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Date Posted: 13:20:14 10/02/09 Fri
Author: David (support)
Subject: Re: New here - sharing my story
In reply to: Peter 's message, "New here - sharing my story" on 00:42:30 10/02/09 Fri

Peter,

You're doing much better through this than most guys. Partly it is because your wife has been honest, hasn't gotten physical with any of her crushes yet and you both seem to be respecting each other's feelings.

Also, you've gotten over most of your denial (all other those scenerios you hoped it was) and have even started looking forward to the future.

I completely understand trying to live in hope or trying to live with some hope (I'm still with my GW). But the more you live your own life, the more you detach from her, the happier you will be. But a heads-up on that: as you start having more of your own activites, focuses, friends and especially if you date, they'll be a rebound effect. Your GW will likely pursue you a bit, the sex will pick up for a while and you'll go back into denial about her sexuality. The closet has been a safe place for her for all these years, and she's not leaving it quickly. As you crack that door, she'll tend to close it again. As you start to step out of the closet on your own, she'll tend to yank you back. Not in a sustainable way, but for days or weeks, you'll be flying high. Until you crash again.

I don't know of a way around that in a the kind of respectful, civil separation you seem to heading towards. Certainly one or both spouses can get mean and nasty, and then no one is sad to see the other go. But being sad is more accurate, I think, for you two. You each see yourself losing something of value, for reasons neither of you choose.

Check MMTL - Men Married to Lesbians on Yahoo Groups if you want to meet more guys who are going through something similar. And other guys who are having more trouble doing this with the grace that you and your wife are managing.

-Hiking David

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