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Date Posted: 06:17:34 11/28/07 Wed
Author: Beamer
Subject: Re: scared even when it is good
In reply to: Ann 's message, "scared even when it is good" on 13:37:16 11/25/07 Sun

Ann,

You have gotten some strong replies. I have been in a relationship with a man from another country for almost 5 years now. We live together for about 7 or 8 months of the year and communicate daily when we are not together. We are apart for 2 - 6 weeks 4 times a year. Work has created the need for us to continue living in our own countries for at least part of the time. We are lucky that we have the lattitude to be able to do this, and I realize that most people would not.

I agree that if it is the "Real" thing that waiting will only help to show that to you. Moving too fast for you right now will only add to your inablilty to find a bigger piece of you so that you can move on with conviction about the things that you want and need in your own life. If we have a stronger self we can have a stronger bond in our relationship.

So far as relationships go, I think there are several stages that evolve. At first we have a bit of a tendency to project out onto people some of what we would like to believe to be true about them. If you like art for example and they say they like art...there might be a tendency to think and believe that they like the same kind of art and like it as much as you do. They might like art that you would not care to have in your garage and like is a very interpretable word.

It takes time to come to see through a relationship with another person what "is".... it takes a lot of time, like a lifetime really to get deeply into another person. I know that the initial attraction for two people who are in need of each other ( for whatever reasons) is GREAT...

It could be that you have just met a man who is wild about you, afraid to loose you, and needy for you in a massive way. Some people are needy... no one is perfect, but taking time to breath, relax and express your truth to him and try hard to listen to him express his ( which could take time to get beyond the SUPERFICIAL stuff) is important.

I've seen our relationship change and 99.9% for the better... in my case he has had the challenge of helping me to get over the X man... and the effects that relationship had on me. I was the wounded bird moreso than he was in my opinion.

Maybe your man is a wounded bird that you will be able to help, but you still have some issues too and to put them second right now would be a huge error. It's ok for you both to work on your issues together, and honesty, talking, talking, talking and listening for flags and then questioning each and everyone of them is a good way to learn what "is" and not what "seems".

I encourage you to speak from your heart to him and ask him to do the same. Don't expect perfection from either your self or the other. I value honesty, which sometimes takes immense courage. Even if you hear something which you would not want to hear, that takes courage to speak, it lets you know that that kind of person is someone who can bring that quality into a relationship which will face challenges and difficulties in reality.

Love and Light,
Beamer

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