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Date Posted: 21:11:42 07/07/09 Tue
Author: Tim (Equivalent)
Subject: Re: Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years??
In reply to: Maxpain 's message, "Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years??" on 23:54:27 06/29/09 Mon

Hello Maxpain,I am Tim in Tuscaloosa,Al. I am in typically the same situation.You did'nt mention your wifes age but mine is 38,married for 16 years with 2 boys 12 and 8.Age may determine if it is possibly a mid-life issue of some sort or maybe like me not meeting needs anymore,feeling too comfortable in the marriage,not reassuring her of her attractiveness. My situation was right here in my house with me home most of the time,besides working rotating shifts on nights 2 weeks out of the month. No suspicious behavior ever from my wife,I always felt secure and felt the marriage was safe.We dated 5 years and waited another 5 years before me agreeing to have kids.Her mother married and divorced 4 times with 3 kids by 3 different husbands,wife being the oldest and gone through the most.She was told that the person she thought to be her father was not even her father about the age of 25.Her grandmother practically raised her while her mother carried on affairs.I've learned that either abuse or the father figure not being there or letting the child down may play a part in this.Wife's mother also not being good influence, but wife had completely different viewpoint of morals and values.This was until butch came along at her job and tried hitting on another married girl with 2 small children,but it did'nt work out.She then focused attention on wife and caught her attention and her admiration.This started around 9/07.She was wearing an engagement ring and claimed to be engaged to a redneck countryboy who made an appearance from time to time.She became part of the family for a whole year while I had bad instincts about her all along.I trusted wife enough to beleive she was just tom boy and she really would be getting married someday after being engaged for 6 years.They even own 52 acres of land together and I checked and its in both names.They claimed to be saving to build house before marriage.Too many red flags started rising especially after wife spurting out when questioned about affection between the 2 that the 28 year old butch wes saving herself for marriage.She spent night twice and my wife had stomach problems those nights or throwing up so I started suspecting wrong doing next morning.I thought possibly drugs but I think she already had wife infatuated with her so I guess she made her move after only about 2 or 3 months.She started buying the kids gifts and had them admiring her for her sports abilities.Later I found out she bought bigger vehicle to accomadate wife and kids on hunting trips,her also being an avid hunter.Come summer time she buys a sea-doo entertain family because we have a ski boat. In my eyes this girl appears to be a stalker who neede companionship close at work to control and beleive me,she got control because my wife started acting like she was in some type of addiction when the girl was'nt around.She had to go to emergency room once after being asked if I had her trust and complete honesty.No fondling present within view, but sitting very inappropriately on couch and if kids were on couch,wife would get in floor beside her leg.I also heard about bathroom door being closed while wife was apparantly plucking butch's eyebrows.I've been seperated 9 months now and I have felt what youre going through.I dont know which was worse,the insecurity or the trauma of seperation.I feel for anyone going through this,it will make you look to GOD like you have never before and beleive me,prayer and family support probably kept me from going to jail,it was hard.I read a lot of books but finding none on this topic.An affair is pretty identical but what kind of human being can bring it into the family residence and not communicate on the issues.Google focus on the family and ask for Jim Vigoretto after you get phone #.He seems to have a lot of experience in this field.I attended divorce care classes at a local church which I think gave me some fellowship and comforting knowing were not alone,experienced people on dvds and other people traumatized just like you and me.My wife acted exactly the way yours did when I asked questions and when I asked for a resolution.Until then she was very nice and courteous but acted as if the intimacy was gone right before my very eyes.I think homosexuality is becoming too acceptable in society and the court room and theres nothing we can do about it.Butch is just very lucky we're not living in the wild west because I see her type to be very manipulative,cunning,deceiving,dishonest,coveting and in my opinion the scum of the earth.I clearly see why homosexuality is a sin,I feel it may be a choice because of the immature ways that some of these go about seeking a mate even when it means the destruction of a normal family.I am looking to fare pretty well for a male on my divorce.Half of everything and I pay 700 child support for wife having full custody.I was willing to try joint but my work schedule and finances are keeping me from doing so.The kids also wanted to keep things normal for school mornings.I would have been paying someone to come over in mornings after I left.My lawyer did get restraining order keeping wife from having kids in presence of GF for about 7 months now and that may have been some help to getting my thoughts and mind together.How and why they could bring GF's in the family,I have no idea.I say they have an uncontrollable force that takes the conscience out of them.I know it's hard and gut wrenching but it would be whatever the infidelity may be.I tried to get restraining order keeping kids out of it period after divorce but lawyer says it has to be proven an unhealthy site with an unfit mother.You know I read alot about women up and leaving everything for their GF,maybe thats the way we would have preffered even though it would have taken adjusting,maybe it would have been worth it,because things get better for us.They may have a lot of drama,jealousy and chaos living that life that kids and family members don't recognize as being normal.Good luck with your situation and cherish time with kids,for mine is on phone too much and mind is pre-occupied to be the mother that she was in the past.God bless you and your situation trying to serve your country to hopefully have a civil world for our kids to grow up in.I feel sometimes the war is right here on earth period because the devil has no boundaries or preferences to spare the trials that good people like you and me are put through everyday.Things will get better,keep your head high,keep confidence,pray for patience and vent to anyone who will listen and understand that you are in tremendous pain,unsurety about the future and seeking knowledge any way you can.Don't isolate yourself after the worst of it is over,get out and go do something.Good luck,Tim

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Replies:

  • Re: Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years?? -- Tim (angry), 01:01:51 07/09/09 Thu
  • Re: Is My wife having an emotional affair with her best girl friend of 25 years?? -- difflurker, 05:18:53 07/10/09 Fri
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