Re: suspicions -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 01:04:31 01/14/16 Thu
Author: Still Wondering
Subject: Re: suspicions
In reply to: Lynn 's message, "Re: suspicions" on 23:41:37 01/13/16 Wed

You mentioned there were at least two occasions so far. I think maybe once could be a curiosity but not twice and certainly not Craig's list postings.

During our last three years of marriage we saw several different counselors, none of which knew what to make of him. It basically came down to each of them saying: well, it's up to you as the wife whatever you're comfortable with. He had convinced every one of them that even though he had been doing this for (come to find out after the fact) over 20 years he did not consider himself interested in men at all. Please. After becoming a snooper (which I wish I would have been from the get go because this would have gone a lot faster) I finally decided that no, I am not comfortable with any of it. I can't be at work wondering if my husband is trolling craigs list for men or perusing gay porn sites. I had just had enough. To this day he has still never admitted anything. What he did do though was get sneakier at hiding it. Over the years I will say that it happened more and more and the pull for him seemed to get stronger with age. Now that he's in his early 50s I even see the change in appearance. His face looks more feminine, his head tilts to the side. It's just weird. They say it gets worse as they get older. I think from what I've seen, I agree.

Just be careful that you don't believe everything the therapist tells you. Soon you'll be hearing about different levels of gay, etc., and where he falls on the gay scale. But in the end they are right - you're the one who has to decide how much of this you can handle. :(

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Replies:

Re: suspicions -- Betsy, 01:39:34 01/15/16 Fri
- Re: suspicions -- Katie (Trust your gut over counselors), 15:04:14 06/23/17 Fri