Re: They may look at it due to trauma.... -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 14:42:05 01/15/16 Fri
Author: Melissa
Subject: Re: They may look at it due to trauma....
In reply to: Kel 's message, "They may look at it due to trauma...." on 11:40:32 01/15/16 Fri

So much truth, Kel! I like the picture of the plate with the grooves. Very true about lying about his plate. My husband was taught by his father to never act like a victim, and sadly taught him to avoid issues by ignoring them. My husband has victimized me in his attempt to not be a victim. I've also noticed that he avoids pain at all costs,and seems to roll over and play dead whenever life ( in many areas) seems difficult or challenging. I know that my husband will never face himself or get help for his emotional pain.
My plate is eating too. ( actually my husband isn't physically healthy either) but a huge difference is that I've never given up trying to work on my food issue, including going to OA.
Until recently, my husband hadn't worked out in 6 years, or planned a date for us, or called any of his friends. Seems like a spiralling depression.
Sexuality is for sure a hungry and powerful beast. My husband acts almost cheerful about moving out. Maybe because then he won't have to pretend with me anymore. He absolutely refuses to work on himself in any way. And also doesn't take ownership of ruining our relationship. I've also been remembering other things that seemed like little lies that popped up here and there.
I like how you said they can skip from the different grooves. I'm sure he thinks if he can get a boner for a woman, he's straight. Ignorant denial.
I think that is a good thought about trauma being a tipping point. I imagine his difficult childhood and whatever painful things happened to him contributed to his emotional and sexual disfunction.
Thanks so much for taking time to share! It's so helpful to me. Last night I resisted snooping on his phone because I realized I don't need to go that dark place.

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Replies:

Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Kel, 14:55:55 01/15/16 Fri
- Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Rob (looking forward ..), 16:56:47 01/15/16 Fri
  - Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Cheri, 23:01:31 01/17/16 Sun
- Re: Until he decides to work on his problem(s),.... -- Melissa, 17:42:16 01/15/16 Fri