Re: 90% of chilhood sexual abusers are at the hands of men... -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 23:28:28 01/23/16 Sat
Author: Mary
Subject: Re: 90% of chilhood sexual abusers are at the hands of men...
In reply to: lily 's message, "Re: 90% of chilhood sexual abusers are at the hands of men..." on 19:08:42 01/17/16 Sun

I am no expert but here is my understanding, admittedly much if which comes from a therapist who has shared his insights on the research.

Dr Brian Hooper is a monthly guest on Bonnie Kaye's internet radio program. He has discussed on her program that no gay gene has yet been discovered. There have been twin studies that seem to indicate some sort of biological component. There have also been more recent studies indicating that second a d later sons have a higher incidence if homosexuality than first born sons. The theory is that there is a hormonal or other biogic influence. My understanding is they think that a mither's body reacts differently to a developing fetus after she has already carried one male fetus. Perhaps it has something to do with antibodies? I can't remember.

No, there is no specific settled science on any if this. The best science can offer is that it may be some combination of genetic predisposition and biologic influences in the womb.

Dr hooper unequivocally states that theories about overbearing mothers and weak fathers or vice versa have long been disproven.

In any case, does any of this mattter. Each of us has to make a personal decision if we are willing to risk our emotional, physical, and spiritual health in a relationship that does not fulfill our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. It is a personal decision based on each individual's life circumstances.
Personally i knew I was attracted to boys since I daydreamed about a neighbor boy walking me home from school in the first grade. I did not chose to be attracted to men any more than I chose to be born with a vagina.

I don't claim to jnderstand tge myriad ways that sexual abuse messes with a person's brain. I have to abstain from that part of the discussion. I just know that even if my gidex had been abused as a child, he should have disclosed tgat to me vefore marrying me. He says he was not btw. If it screwed up his sexuality to a point where ge could not have a healthy sexual relationship with me or remain monogamous with me, the. He never should have married me. If he made it to mid-life this scarred by his past, the chances of his receiving some kind of treatment that would return him to a state of being the healthy partner we all had a right to expect is what? Where are tge stories of men abused as children, spending decades engaging in homosexual activities and tge. Somehow making a miraculous recovery? I've not heard them. And how many more years are we. The wives supposed to sacrifice in the process?

I was married for 22 years to a man who deliberately chose to deceive me and live a double life. I don't care what the excuse is. He violated my trust. I did not want to hear any therapist insinuate it was my responsibility to stand by his side while he explored what turns out for us to be a non-existent history of abuse. Btw, i personally found the therapists who wanted to insist he must have been abused as a child were the Christian therapists. I'm not sure what that says but to me it felt like they were desperately trying to find a rationale explanation for his behavior aside from the possibility that he might just be gay.

I also do think it makes sense that predators target gay boys.

Ok, that's my two cents.

You can find a link to Bonnie Kaye's archived radio programs at www.gayhusbands.com

The shows air live at 9pm Eastern. You can call in and ask Dr Hooper these questions for yourself or email your questions to Bonnie at bonnaye@ aol.com in advance and maybe Dr Hooper can come with the specific research to quote.

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Replies:

Re: 90% of chilhood sexual abusers are at the hands of men... -- Mary, 23:32:31 01/23/16 Sat
- Re: 90% of chilhood sexual abusers are at the hands of men... -- lily, 05:35:30 01/25/16 Mon