Re: It's everywhere. -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 09:41:18 05/13/16 Fri
Author: BryonM (I should add...)
Subject: Re: It's everywhere.
In reply to: BryonM 's message, "Re: It's everywhere." on 08:55:40 05/13/16 Fri

I should have added a little more about the point of that button experience. Like many others on here, I had fallen into a trap of projecting some of my own stuff onto my ex. I am doing my best right now to own this, and use my "I" statements, but I think it's safe to say that most of us go through this stage early on. I began to characterize my ex as a coward, a manipulator, a liar, a deceiver, and so on and so forth. You will know if you yourself ever described or thought of your ex in those terms. Liar, narcissist, manipulator. Coward. Coward.

I couldn't even wear a stupid button because I was *AFRAID* that people I DON'T EVEN KNOW *MIGHT* think I was gay. And that was enough for me to chicken out and take the button off. My ex lived like that EVERY DAY of her life, and here I didn't even make it through the lunch break. But I had the audacity to call her a coward.

And I didn't even get *that* lesson until I got back to the room and tried to explain - justify, really - why I felt I needed to take the button off, and quickly. I was afraid, it didn't feel safe. It seemed normal and natural to hide that button or get rid of it and as fast as possible. Wouldn't anybody do that? So oblivious, and it was all in my own head.

I had no right to call her a coward without walking in her shoes.

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Replies:

Re: It's everywhere. -- still wondering, 12:00:54 05/13/16 Fri
Re: It's everywhere. -- Sun (I'm glad you found peace but), 13:39:41 05/13/16 Fri
- Re: It's everywhere. (NT) -- Lake Breeze (Good points, Sun!), 12:43:48 05/14/16 Sat