Re: It's everywhere. -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 15:58:12 05/14/16 Sat
Author: BryonM (LOL)
Subject: Re: It's everywhere.
In reply to: Susan 's message, "Re: It's everywhere." on 19:04:15 05/13/16 Fri

Well, thanks, I don't know that I'm an inspiration, but I'll take it, and thank you. I do believe in the "pay it forward" concept, and so I can come here and either share or compare horror stories, or I can tell the ones where I felt myself move (or pushed) forward even if just a little bit. And if that helps someone else, then I did what I meant to do.

I think I might make it sound too easy and magic, like there's a magic wand, or specific steps toward getting over this. Of course not. It was good at first to realize other people were going through this too, and that was affirming that I wasn't completely nuts. But it took a while before I realized that obsessing over my ex wasn't getting me anywhere, even if it's a necessary part; I can't "fix" her, and she didn't need to be "fixed" anyway, but I sure did. It took time to let that sink in, I even needed others to point it out to me, and I had to be ready to hear it, being "sick and tired of being sick and tired."

That takes time and it's going to be different for everybody. All I can do is share the things that were the turning points for me, big and little, and there plenty of them, maybe someone else is ready to hear about them. If not, it still helps me to write about them, because it means I'm owning something that I wasn't ready to admit before and now I can let it go. It's a process, not a moment.

That's not to say everything is sunny and roses now, I have my relapses too, of course, but I have more tools now to get past them, and so it happens faster and faster. But it's not like "Good Will Hunting" or "Prince of Tides" where all of a sudden one big breakthrough and the world is perfect. It's hard work and embarrassing putting your own sh*t out there for the world to look at. But everybody sh*ts, and everybody's sh*t stinks, and I accept that mine does too. Maybe that's really the big overall lesson. Sorry to express it so crudely.

[PS. I had to laugh at how you wrote "Thanks for Sharon Byron." I presume you meant thanks for Sharing. And when I bought my first computer, I had to figure out how make it stop spell-correcting "Bryon" with "Byron." It drove me crazy but I'm used to it by now.]

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Replies:

Re: It's everywhere. -- Susan, 19:50:37 05/14/16 Sat