Re: Online Dating Site -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 14:04:40 05/18/16 Wed
Author: Still Wondering
Subject: Re: Online Dating Site
In reply to: Ilene 's message, "Online Dating Site" on 11:43:53 05/18/16 Wed

Hi Ilene,

Yes - it looks like you've received the old "it's just a phase" excuse. I'm very familiar with that one. I'm also familiar with "I was just curios", and "I was just comparing penis size because as a kid my doctor told me it was small". You name it, we've heard it here. In my case I found out his "phase" had already been going on for almost 20 years, long before I met him.

I'm glad to hear that you've already communicated to him that you're not buying the crap he's trying to sell to you. That's step one. Now comes the hard part - deciding to leave, especially if you're in a financial bind.

The first thing you need to do is to examine what kind of bind you're in. Is it the mortgage? Are you paying for all of your kids to go to college and this is putting a strain on your finances? I used to be a financial advisor and I work at an advisory firm now - although now I'm more in the capacity of compliance and operations. But I can tell you that when we have clients who are struggling, the first thing we look at is: are you trying to pay for college when you kids could be paying or getting loans instead? This may or may not apply to you as far as college debt but now is the time to worry about your finances and your retirement. Your kids will begin to have the capacity to take care of themselves soon and will have earnings potential for the next 40+ years. You and your husband do not. If everything comes together and you're better off financially at a later date then you can always help them pay for their loans. But unless your children are going to pay for a new home for you or pay for your living expenses then you need to take this into consideration. I can think of several clients just off the top of my head who insist to this day on paying their kids loans and tuition and are draining every penny they have for retirement.

If you haven't already, go see a financial advisor. Preferably a fee only advisor who will charge you by the hour or for a financial plan. Some, if they are nice, may even offer an initial meeting and suggestions for free. They can help you figure out exactly what it will take to make it on your own. They will also have several suggestions for your current debt (even bankruptcy - if that's the best option). There may be more ways around this than you think.

If you don't currently work, have you started to look around to see what's available? Do you know what's in his 401k or pension at work? Of course, there's always the option to live in different rooms of the house - it may work for a period of time while you get your things in order.

I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It's going to be a long road but it will pass.

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Replies:

Re: Online Dating Site -- New Lease on Life (Very Happy!!!), 17:14:34 05/18/16 Wed

Re: Online Dating Site (NT) -- Mary (Beautiful message. Thank you), 23:19:23 05/18/16 Wed