Re: what do I do? -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 18:01:22 05/25/16 Wed
Author: lily
Subject: Re: what do I do?
In reply to: rachel 's message, "Re: what do I do?" on 15:08:59 05/25/16 Wed

Brace yourself. it's like dealing with a child. You will have to be the responsible adult.

The fact that he suggested splitting suggests to me that he already has met someone he is interested in.

make no mistake tho, he's not a child. he is what he is. and he is not being honest with you because that is who he is. he will never be honest or responsible with you.

You ask up above how I found out my ex was gay. I didn't. No smoking guns, no pop up porn, I never looked at his computer or phone.

One day instead of asking him a question, I asked it of myself - how come when I have asked him if he is gay and he has said no, why didn't that answer the question, why does it recur? It would, I was with him for a long time and every so often, out of the blue, it would just pop up and I'd be asking him do you think you might be a bit gay and he'd reply no how could you be so horrible as to ask me that.

So I thought about that a bit - and I googled and found this site. I read three posts and I was hyperventilating. It was like a lightning strike that shed light on my past. My next effort was what you've just done. Now the secret is out we can have a more supportive relationship. But I couldn't get clear or honest answers.

I realised I needed to stand on the courage of my convictions. give myself the gift of not rolling around second guessing myself. he is gay in denial.

Finally thanks to my counsellor I asked the right question - are you bisexual. yes, well that got some answers - according to him it made him special, meant he had a choice over which sex he wanted to be with but it was none of my business. I got two weeks of informative conversation but then he denied it again saying he was 100% straight and if I didn't believe him then I was insane. I got the hell out. got a divorce and as much money as I could.

he was really surprised.

just a few weeks ago I met up with a friend from our youth who knew him back before I'd met any of them and she confirmed my ex had been in love with a friend from their school days. She told me they had had sex, but then my ex was rejected by him. he attempted suicide over it and they saved him.

I was like a comfy cushion for him. and if my needs were not being met, well that was my fault not his.

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Replies:

Re: what do I do? -- Patti (email), 19:24:41 05/25/16 Wed