Re: what do I do? -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 19:30:57 05/25/16 Wed
Author: Vicky
Subject: Re: what do I do?
In reply to: rachel 's message, "what do I do?" on 02:36:20 05/25/16 Wed

Hi,
I don't have too much time so I can't read the previous posts so forgive me if I repeat advice. First I am new here too. If you are here on this forum he is gay or bi. You can't mistake that. I too struggled with that as my partner denied it too and I had less evidence than you. Well it turned out to be true. He might not be gay. Some guys like a hook up with a guy but they don't want a relationship with a guy. Only you will know if you can trust him enough to stay with him or if you can handle an open relationship. Don't make any rash decisions while you are very emotional.

My advice is not original but a result of how my last few months have gone.
1 - Trust your gut - if you think he's cheating then he likely is
2 - If he's cheating then protect yourself - abstain if you can he can get an STI even receiving a BJ
3 - Only you can decide how this is going to play out. If he's cheating and lying to you than to me that's a bad sign. He needs to come clean. It could take several months or he might never do it. In my opinion cheating is not acceptable. But he might come clean if you give him some time. Mine did.
4 - If you are financially dependent on him then use this time while you are still together to get yourself an exit strategy ie: job training or job searching just in case.
5 - Find someone you can trust 100% not to blab the secret to talk to it is immensely helpful. Not a family member but someone detached from your life. Like a pastor or a counsellor (you may have free crisis counsellors in your area) or a distant friend.
6 - Breath... it sucks big time but some people make it work.
7 - Keep posting here it helps

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