Re: Help! Is my gut telling me something -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 20:07:55 01/02/17 Mon
Author: Tara (From way back)
Subject: Re: Help! Is my gut telling me something
In reply to: DG 's message, "Help! Is my gut telling me something" on 12:58:39 08/28/16 Sun

I lived with a closet gay man for 25 years, married for 15 of those. I can give you LOTS of information. The foremost lesson I learned is that you "gut feelings" are there for a reason. It is imperative you listen to it! It is telling you that something is wrong, very wrong. Don't waste 25 years like I did, I beg you.

I can also tell you that in some closeted gay men, they can make themselves very, very, very ill over denying who they are. In the end you might be the brunt of their sickness. In my case, my x would rather have turned on me and destroyed me than EVER admit that he was gay. Ever. My x, undoubtedly, is a gay man and in the end he blamed absolutely everything on me. He is still in the closet.

Your description almost matches that of my sex life with my x which was maybe 2 or 3 times a year, if at all or if I begged. Only from behind, missionary lead to him losing his erection. He could come in 0.2 seconds anally - never missionary. Never. I would have to tell him how to do it almost every time we had sex. He never cared to remember what I liked. He hated me in the bed. I wasn't allowed to move around or touch him in the bed. Couldn't watch TV, read, etc. So, I moved out of the bedroom. One night he asked me if I would sleep in the bed with him. I replied, "Why? Are you going to have sex with me?" To which he gave me a dirty look and went off to the bedroom alone. After a year of courtship, he never, ever kissed me. Said it was because he wasn't a good kisser. Wanted me to teach him but would push me away when trying to kiss him.

It was amazing they way he constructed out lives. It appeared that he did EVERYTHING for me in the relationship. And he truly saw it that way. But the things he did for me were only to benefit himself in the long run. I was an after thought to his life, a beard. He still is a very narcissistic personality. What is is deeply closeted and very ill. I tried to drag him out of the closet. I advise against this. Truly - do not waste your time. It's over and beyond what you are capable of doing.

Please, plug into a support system and begin to look at a life that can bring you more fulfillment. Regardless if he is gay or not, you are not happy. Your gut knows and your gut wants what is best for you.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]