QOTD for Friday, 10/28/22 -- Ladies of Lallybroch Social Board

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Date Posted: Thu, October 27 2022, 21:26:19
Author: Betsy's gone wild
Subject: QOTD for Friday, 10/28/22

Just for you, DianaH.

SKIP THIS LONG DIATRIBE ABOUT GUMMY (that's me) BEHAVING BADLY UNLESS YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED IN READING ABOUT MY TAKE ON TWELVE YEAR OLD BOYS.

This summer, I flew to the west coast to visit 2 daughters and 5 grandkids. One thing I learned was 10 days visiting with one family is 7 days too much. Mostly for me. All went well, but it gets exhausting trying to stay out of the way of the day-to-day activities. And keep my mouth shut. Parenting styles and priorities are just different, and it's easy to look back and see all the things I would have done differently.

My eldest daughter has a 12 year old son who is a full-blown obnoxious, foul mouthed, snotty, 6' 2", blond blue-eyed, really good looking ass. Now, I love this child beyond measure. When the family lived here in Maine, I home-schooled my two grandsons, cared for them when their parents were working, and generally smooshed all over my two little boys. We've always been close.

Well.....well.... something has happened to my funny, smart, sweet little boy. He had been home-schooled until last January, when he asked if he could go to public school. It's been down-hill ever since. It's not public school; it's his first foray into a swimming pool full of girls (who stick to him like flypaper) and being free from direct supervision by adults, and puberty blasting through the boy and his friends.

Now, I didn't use any profanity when my kids were home. My daughter and my son-in-law don't use profanity at all. But this kid is something else. Every sentence uses the F word at least 5 times, and his attitude is horrid. I finally said (on day two) that I didn't want to hear all the F-bombs. It was very obnoxious. His reply: "That's because you're so old, Gummy. This is how kids talk today. You're just way too old."

Very very wrong thing to say. I told him I knew more words than he did, probably words he didn't understand, and no, I'm not too old to use them. I would, if he kept it up. He did, and I did. Every time he and his friends said anything nasty, I said something worse. He and his friends kept it up, and so did I. I hope none of his friends went home and told their parents that Abram's grandmother was so gross, but I think at least his friends were pretty amazed that a little old lady, usually sweet and mild, had a mouth like a pirate, and then some.

Only once did it almost get very real. My sweet 12 year old twit announced at the dinner table that he was a bigot and could use the N word anytime he wanted to. and he was a homaphobe, too. Wrong. That's when I got real. I said "Now it's personal. (I have a biracial grand daughter, who he was raised with and they were like frick and frack when they were little,) a bother who is gay, a daughter married to a woman and another daughter who is bi-sexual. Using the N word was the last step. I asked him if he had ever seen me jump over a table? Because I would do just that and take him down in the blink of an eye. He opened his mouth and I climbed onto my chair, and he shut up. We did the eyeball to eyeball thing, and I asked him if he really wanted to taken down by his "old-lady grandmother," because I would gladly oblige him. I don't know if he really thought I could have jumped the table, but it did make him pause.

Then Abram and friends decided to try to embarrass me by asking personal questions. I said I'd tell them the complete truth, whatever they asked, so they might want to think about the questions and if they REALLY wanted to know the answers. Think hard, boys, just how much they wanted to know about my experiences in my "old" life. Complete transparency. I got asked a few questions, they got the idea, and I THINK they figured out that a short, sweet "old" grannie had a bit more than cookies and milk in her history. By the end of my visit, Abram had toned down the worst of his behavior, and I went back to making blackberry crisp, like a good grannie should do. The boys will probably all need a few years of therapy now, but they got the idea.

Abram's birthday is in a couple of weeks and I will be sending him my usual check, plus another one, to be cashed if he can go 24 hours without using any profanity. He's on the honor system, and I suspect his report might not contain
total accuracy, but we'll see.

I DO NOT condone flinging horrid language around to grandchildren, but it served the purpose, I'm not quite as old as he thought I was, he's got some good stories to tell, and we both love each other more than ever.

PS. I never did this with my kids. They never actually did much cursing, at least at home. Don't judge me.

PPS. We share a birthday. We're both Scorpios and neither of us loses well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The following quote is from 'Dragonfly in Amber,' by Diana Gabaldon, chapter 11, "Useful Occupations." Copyright© 1992, by Diana Gabaldon. All rights reserved.

The little man squinted accusingly at Jamie, then stuck his fork once more and held it out invitingly.

"Once more," he coaxed. "Just listen to it, and let the same sound come out."

Patient as ever, Jamie listened carefully to the "A" of the fork, and sang again, producing a sound wedged somewhere in the crack between E-flat and D-sharp.

"Not possible," said the little man, looking thoroughly disillusioned . "No one could be that dissonant, even on purpose."

"I can," said Jamie cheerfully, and bowed politely to the little man. We had by now begun to collect a small cloud of interested onlookers. Louise de Rohan was a great hostess, and her salons attracted the cream of Parisian society.

"Yes, he can," I assured our visitor. "He's tone-deaf, you see."

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[> Your stories are the best, Betsy!!!! --

Judie, Fri, October 28 2022, 6:19:51

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[> Puberty and public school...what a combination. I think you handled the situation well, much better than I would have! Your grandson and I would have had the proverbial "Come to Jesus" meeting. I'm from the South, and that is a meeting you do not want to have! I had one once when I ran away when called in, then kicked my father after he found me...............and once was all it took! -- Janet, Fri, October 28 2022, 10:58:09

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[> [> We had a couple of Come to Jesus moments here. Once when our youngest was feeling his 15 year-old oats, and bumped me in the chest because I told him to take out the trash. He did not notice his father standing behind him, watching the whole thing. BIG TIME Come-to-Jesus. He took off, so did his father, and dad won. Kids. Love 'em or kill 'em..... or take up drinking. -- Betsy BFS, Fri, October 28 2022, 13:29:03

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[> [> [> Oh Betsy, this is SO spot on - Love 'em or kill 'em or take up drinking. Sometimes all 3 are required!!! And I absolutely LOVE your handling of your grandson. -- DianaH, Mon, October 31 2022, 10:01:46

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