Why do I do it?! -- I DON'T STOP TRYING, I STILL END UP USING,WHY!?

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Date Posted: 12:24:29 07/29/02 Mon
Author: Clauldio M.
Subject: Why do I do it?!

My name is Claudio and I have just had a baby girl with my commonlaw wife only three months ago, before we had my little baby we lived in Van. which was my red zone for using & old firend, I can't forget about the many years I've done as a young adult in the jail system. I have been through just about every treatment center in the local and even farther areas, detoxes, & recovery houses. Now at this very moment I'm on the meth. program and have been on it for abotu 10 months now. In the begining of my meth treatment it was real hard to still stay away from heroin, So my common laws mom & her Boy firend convinced us to move up to Williams lake with them and they promised that they would drive me to my doctors appt.'s which from W.L. was pretty far, and they told me everything was setup and ready to go,( with my meth),; My common laws mom & her boy firend were both working Drug/Alcohol councellors, so that was a big reason for me to believe they were actually helping me and were going to help us up there the way they said just before we went up there. When we got up W.L. they tryed to lock me in a house while on a dosage of 140 ml's of meth and them knowing I had none left, they took off on us and nothing in that town was setup for me the way they said it was, SO we had quite the struggle and I guess everything started to go o.k. and we managed to stay for almost 1 yr and we also had our little baby named Destany,(girl),which is the most beautiful thing I've ever had and that I have ever been given. Anyway we were doing o.k and my common laws dad suddenly out of know where calls her & keeps calling her everday for us to move down hear, and I told her I can't go down there, but we can move to Kamloops or somethign; I ended up having no say in it what so ever because she came up with the excuse of wanting to go to school down here in Van were I am now,STRESSED OUT TO THE LIMIT & HAVE ALREADY RELAPSE TWICE!,from only being here for a week. Last night was a little differant I relapsed and also got jumped, robbed, broken hand knees scraped to the max, and here I am now writing this because I don't know what to do anymore because I've tryed just about everything. I JUST WANNA BE CLEAN FOR ME, MY FAMILY,& MY LITTLE SWEET BABY GIRL I JUST RECENTLY HAD!!!!!!! HELP! HELP!!

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