VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4] ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 10:33:32 07/01/99 Thu
Author: Emrys
Subject: A new weight loss record

I've figured out a sure-fire way to lose 10 pounds in half a week... it worked for me and I was already pretty thin as it is. This weekend I weighed myself at 155 pounds. Not very much for a 6' tall male getting ready to enter college. Since then I decided, for whatever insane reason, to run 6 miles a day at a break-neck pace... averaging between 7 and 7:30 minute miles. For a single mile a 7 minute pace is pretty slow, but if any of you think that it is a slow pace for a 6 mile run, I welcome you to try it sometime. I'll even go to your funeral the next day. At any rate, I weighed myself tonight at 145 pounds. I have no idea where that 10 pounds came from, but I am a little light-headed. I don't know what possessed me to run that far or that fast for a few days in a row (actually, only Monday, Wednesday, and today, so I haven't even done it that much really). Oh well. I intend to be running 10 miles a day at that pace by the end of summer... who knows, maybe you guys will come to my funeral first, eh? Just felt like sharing that, cause I don't really have much else to do.
Maybe I'll just stare at these envelopes sitting on my dad's computer desk...
...
...
Well, that wasn't too much fun. I wonder why there are envelopes on his desk anyway. I've never seen him mail anything from home. He's never home long enough to even use envelopes.
Envelopes are made of paper...
Paper causes paper cuts...
Ever had a paper cut?
They hurt...
There's nothing worse than a bad paper cut... very painful but not lethal. You can hack of my limbs with a chainsaw, just don't come near me with paper...
I had a paper cut once... went to the ER... now I'm not allowed back in that hospital... they gave priority to the guy who had a knife stuck in his head... he kept complaining about how bad the pain was... what a loser... couldn't he see that I had a paper cut? I was obviously the one in the more precarious situation... To prove my point, I gave him a paper cut. You know the phrase about 'the straw that broke the camel's back'? Well, this was kinda like that phrase. After the guy went into cardiac arrest from my maliciously inflicted paper cut, the nurse called the police and they hand cuffed my... charged me with assault with a deadly weapon... it was my dad's business card...
Actually, that was all just a joke. I know I had you all fooled with my realistic and believable story, but rest assured that things didn't happen like that at all. I cannot tell a lie. It wasn't my dad's business card that I killed the guy with, it was one of my dad's envelopes.

Emrys
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a thiry story drop will kill me."

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.