Subject:  My Title Matters--I'm a Papa, not a Visitor--HELP!! |
Author:
Thom Alias
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Date Posted: 00:21:56 08/07/06 Mon
Unfortunately, my wife and I are divorcing. My question has to do with custody issues. We can't seem to agree on what to do about the kids. We have three children, a daughter and infant twins whom I haven't seen since their birth, because I've been out of town on business. (However, I'll be back in a week and am dying to see them again.)
I really want to do what's best for the kids. This whole situation is really eating me up inside, because the thought of not being there to tuck them in every night or to be there to give piggy back rides downstairs to the breakfast table in the morning, all the little things that mean so much to me, even though they're probably not really that important to anyone else, I guess...well these are the things I miss like crazy when I'm on the road and now, to think I won't have that interaction with them when I'm home is just more than I can bear. I'm in serious aspiration failure right now and even contemplated suicide the other night when my wife said that she didn't think the kids would miss me at all since they barely know me, now. (her words) It's not true, of course. I'm very close with my little girl who just had her child birthday. She's my little princess and is very much a daddy's girl. (Not that she doesn't love her Mommy, because she really does. We've been really close as a family until recently).
Anyway, my wife wants sole custody. She'd let me visit them whenever I want to, of course, but she jsut thinks it's important for them to have just one house to call home. Well, she's probably going to get remarried and involved with someone long before I do and I think I'd be really uncomfortable going to her house all the time and staying for hours, until the kids go to bed, with this other guy, who I don't particularly like, especially right now. Not only that, but just thinking that they'll have that in their minds, that Papa is a visitor, rather than a Papa, really eats me up inside. (Gosh, this is really ahrd to talk about, but I've got no one else I can talk to about this, which is sad because I have a really great network of friends, but see I don't want them to have to choose sides and I don't want them to think negatively about my wife at all, so, that's why I'm asking a bunch of strangers what to do in this situ).
Anyway, I contend that home is where the heart is and I don't see why the kids can't think of my house as their home. Why shouldn't they have two homes and feel equally comfortable at both? I think it would be better for them, emotionally, you know? My wife's main concern, I think, is that I'll get married to a certain woman whom she really resents and dislikes. She doesn't want the kids around her. So, in other words, maybe I could talk her into sharing custody if I promised never to marry this one particular sim. It's highly doubtful that would ever happen, but I don't think she should be able to control what I do when I am being ousted out of her life. I figure, if she doesn't want me, she doesn't get to have any say in my personal life after that, either. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Do you think it would irrepairably damage the children's psyches if she and I shared custody, 50/50. I thought I could take the kids when I'm not travelling and she could have them when I am. I typically travel about half the year. And we could figure out something so that we could all share the holidays together. I'm dying inside thinking about how I won't be there for all the amazing moments of their lives. Its a dream come true to me to even have kids. I waited a really long time to get married and have children and now, I jsut feel like I've lost everything that matters to me. I feel like my life is over and if I can't be with my kids, I might as well just end it for good, you know?
Btw, if you guess who I am, please, don't say anything negative about my wife ok? It's my fault we're getting divorced. I did something before we got married that had lasting consequences and I hurt the two sims who're most important to me, my wife and my best friend. So, now I have to pay the price. But, I don't think the kids should have to be punished and deprived of a Papa who loves and adores them in the process, do you?
Do you have any advice for me on how to handle this with their Mama? She's super pissed off with me and has every right to be, but I think it's also altering her judgment and she may not be seeing things clearly. I probably am not, either, since I feel like a total zombie right now. I'm dealing with an extremely stressful job situation right now and on top of that the divorce took me completely by surprise. So, that's why I figured I should ask for some advice, because I'm not sure if I'm seeing things clearly either right now. I'm pretty sure I'm not, for that matter.
How do we work this out? She wants me to be a visitor. I want to be a Papa. But, most important of all, I know that both she and I want what's best for the kids. Is it better for them to have a guy who shows up on the weekends and only sees them every once in awhile or a guy who is involved in their lives and helps them with their homework, teaches them basketball and has tea parties with them, and helps them brush their teeth, or takes their temp when they're sick. I want to be there to kiss their boo-boos when they get an owie. I know I can't be there for them all the time, because that's how my job is. It takes me on the road alot. But when i'm home, i try to make up for lost time by doing alot of stuff with them, we go, or at least we used to go on vacations and do family stuff together. We really used to have alot of fun. I know life can't be like that all the time, but we try to make it that way as much as possible. The idea of some other guy, especially a prick that I can't stand, raising my babies just makes me ill. The idea that she'd probably let them call him Daddy or something liek that when he's got nothing to do with them whatsoever just boils my blood. I'd never let them call any other woman Mom or any form of that word, because they have one mommy and that's my wife. No one could ever take her place, in my opinion, but it seems that I'm quite replaceable. So easily replacable in fact that the plans are probably already in the works. *sigh* Sorry for the rant. This whole thing is driving me insane. Well, thanks in advance for your help. I'll chack back in a couple days for your suggestions.
Please, help, I'm really desperate for some answers or useful solutions.
Thanks,
Thom
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