Parenting Styles....and more -- EDPR 7/8112 Adolescence Sec. 001 0500-0800 R

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Date Posted: 20:51:53 04/04/07 Wed
Author: Kelly Folsom
Subject: Parenting Styles....and more

This may not be a parenting style, however I think it may be close to the definition of indulgent parenting: It sometimes disturbs me when parents attempt to be best friends with their adolescent children. I have witnessed this on several occasions, usually between a mother and daughter. I have seen moms dress like their daughters and talk with them (bargin with them) like peers. I understand the desire to keep trust and communication channels open with teens, but believe that a pseudo-peer role for parents and adolescents could be dangerous.

I also heard a recent NPR piece that cited research that mothers spend roughly the same amount of time with their children today as mothers did in the 1970s. This seemed unfathomable when I first heard it, but the researcher explained: While a higher percentage of women may have been stay-at-home moms in the 1970s that time did not necessarily relate to increased time with your kids. Parents were more apt to allow kids to play outside or go to a friends house to play, thus taking them away from home. Also, mothers were much more comfortable allowing their children to leave the house alone, or be alone, when compared to parents today.

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[> Re: Parenting Styles....and more -- Evelyn Moore, 21:42:20 04/04/07 Wed

When I was young in the 60's and 70's, mothers were home cooking and cleaning. When you would come home from school you were eager to get home because you knew Mom was cooking and you could smell it as you walk toward your home. Everyone sat down for dinner waiting for Dad, but sometimes when he had to work he would call and tell us to go ahead and eat. Our clothes were always clean, starched and ironed. Mom would go to work at a white woman's house and came home to contine her work. She did not do more for the family that she worked for than what she did for our family.
But then there was me as a mother, I worked ina corporate environment, that required me to be at work before my children went to school, and stop work after my children were out of school, this was a problem. I was blessed to have a support system, my parents. I was a single parent. I have two girls. I was considered extremely strick. I had to be mother and father. There was not another person to bounce off of, or pass the buck "go ask you father". The responsibilty was mine alone. When my girls went to sleep overs I went too. there was always at least one or two other mothers like me and we would talk, cook and stay up until the children went to sleep then sneak out and go home. The time that we did spend together was quality time.
Unfortunately all single parents do not have a support system. Parents should always be seen as authority figures. As the children grow older there relationships will change, dependent to independent parent-adolescent relationship. However, there is still the parent card when the child trys to get out of hand.

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[> Re: Parenting Styles....and more -- Bradley Kovach, 22:07:19 04/04/07 Wed

I completely with Kelly that this type of parenting is dangerous. I have an aunt that is doing that right now with her son. She is always trying to be the "cool mom" and letting him (and sometimes even encouraging him) to do things he shouldn't be doing (drinking, tattoos, piercing, sex, etc.). I think part of it is playing the favorites game. She always talks about divorcing her husband as soon as my cousin moves out of the house (typical "stay together for the kids") and I think she enjoys it when she feels like he would choose her over him when it's time to pick sides. Also, I think sometime it stems from a need to feel that they are still young and able to be accepted by the younger crowd. Whatever the reason it definitely is not having a positive effect on adolescents. Like my mother always said, "I'm not here to be your friend, I'm here to tell you what to do" which was blunt but still better than my dad's trademarked, "I brought you into this world and I can take you back out."

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