People I Can Do Without -- Darian's Friends

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Subject: People I Can Do Without

Author:
MikeyMike

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Date Posted: 05:35:35 07/07/05 Thu

1. Lance Bass. He's the loser of N'Sync. "I wanna go to space", "I wanna be an actor", "I wish I could be of use to someone". Whining little bitch. Just jump in front of a bus and shit-stain your leather pants, would you please?

2. Anyone claiming to be a "real" vampire. Could you people please get some daylight, get a job, and get the FUCK away from me. You're not a vampire, you're a pasty drawn out weirdo who has been a misfit since high school. Seriously, run a nice hot bath, get a razor blade and play some Art Garfunkel. It's time to lay it down.

3. Jehovah's Witnesses. I know this is an expected one, but if any of these self-rightous salespeople show up at my door, I'm going to answer the door naked with a pentagram on my chest drawn in blood and carrying a copy of the Satanic Verses. We'll see how fucking committed those people are to their "mission".

4. James Redfield. The new-age, holistic, spiritual asshat author of The Celestine Prophesy - possibly the most fucking annoying book since the Mormon bible. I'd like to clamp his head in an industrial paint shaker, see how he likes THOSE vibrations.

5. Ron Popeil. Yes, the inventor of such useful gadgets as "the pocket fisherman", the "set it and forget it" grill thing, and a whole pant-load of useless shit - this guy has filled more Christmas stockings that Ron Jeremy has condoms. Perhaps we could all just agree to not buy any more of his crap and watch him have a heart attack on one of his infomercials a la Krusty with his pork products.

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