| Subject: Ha....Cartman rocks...sorry C &M....but it must be shared... |
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D-mons
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Date Posted: 10:00:50 07/16/05 Sat
In reply to:
Chad
's message, "Yeah, Midgets and boring men...." on 09:26:44 07/16/05 Sat
While on the topic of stupid, (yes we were) allow me to wallow in the blissful ignorance of the dumbest girl on the planet. Can't tell you where this is from cuz the boys know where I live and eventually I have to sleep. Suffice to say, she asked for advice...we tried to help. Alas, all in vain. Thank god she's so sharp.
One for the books, peeps
Author Message :
Mike and Chad's Excellent Advice ~ Girlie Question
Poll
What is the difference between buddy and friend?
There is no difference...what kind of stupid qustion is that?
25% [ 1 ]
I don't Understand The Question
0% [ 0 ]
Chad Is Right.
75% [ 3 ]
Total Votes : 4
chad
Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 6:13 pm
Site Admin
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 51
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
So I thought to myself who better to ask a stupid girl question to then the two most experienced guys I know?.......So the other night after a few bottles of Merlot and Double vodkas with the girls (and by girls I mean girls…get your mind outta the gutter) I had a late night visiter.you know in my head I thought.” chit chat”, .shoot the shit….flirt but no action kinda thing...but oh no. It was more like full throttle action. little chit chat…So…...my question is “do I just pretend it was fun, nothing more or do I say fuck it throw caution to the wind and hope that my “friend” will become a buddy. If you know what I mean? I tried to read “He’s Just Not that Into You” but I know your feelings on that so I thought I would go straight to you…
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Guest
Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:24 pm
How did you know I nick-named my cock "little chit chat"?
Well, how do I answer this question without knowing more of the facts? Hmmmm....After you invited him over past midnight, how did you welcome him in? Did you greet your visitor at the door, or did you leave it unlocked and allow him to let himself in and find you upstairs in bed wearing only a tank-top?
And then after you had sex, (without giving head I might add) did you do anything weird? Like call his best friend to tell him what had just transpired?
See sometimes we SAY that we never saw it coming when we actually planned it that way. I think it was pretty obvious from the word "GO" what you were looking for. And by asking this question as an advise column, you get the full no mercy wrath of Chad and Mike,
If you don't want to get fucked, put on some pants.
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girliegirl
Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:51 pm
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 18
Ok So....no mercy it is..........
Fact #1 was before Midnight
Fact #2 have been told of the "chit chat " visits before and they never seem to transpire
Fact #3 why not tell a guy 's friends?....it is not like it will be kept quiet for more than 24 hours anyway!
Fact #4 Friends= do not sleep together.... Buddy= fuck friend, fuck buddy whatever...sleep together
Fact #5 why does it always have to be about the blow job, head whatever?.do all men think it's the way of the world every time they have sex?..I know you are going to say "well look he took care of her"....well you know what so be it....women do not expect it..but hey its amazing if they get it done .and done well.but you know its not all about the head.........
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Mike
Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 12:12 am
Joined: 14 Nov 2004
Posts: 145
Location: Pickering, Ontario
Yeah, it's at least half about the head. We want you to work that thing like a clarinet player in the London Philharmonic.
Women do expect it. Yes you do. Yes...you do. So do we, and if it's not there it's like points against in a tournament (sports reference - it is a man page). We keep track of that shit and we may never ever bring it up, but enough points against equals no more of the poetry reading and sponge baths.
Who am I kidding? There's never poetry reading or sponge baths.
_________________
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
Richard Dawkins
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girliegirl
Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 12:54 am
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 18
sports and head.....sports and head......POETRY?.fuck the poetry.where did that dimbass myth come form?...and do we want it?.i never said we did not...we just do not think that we need to keep score....guilt someone into it....beg for it.....be unsatisfied with out it....... sure its a bonus and sure it's a sweet part of the deal but come on.....boys....it takes more than 1 night of sex and a beer to make someone want to suck your dick!.......men.can't live with em, can't live without em.....head or no head....the age old discussion............
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Mike
Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 12:10 pm
Joined: 14 Nov 2004
Posts: 145
Location: Pickering, Ontario
To quote one of my favorite comedians:
"There are three types of women in the world: A: Women that give NO head. B: Women that give just enough head to shut ya up and my favorite C: the women that want nothing more than to suck a dick." Chris Rock
It's not just C that's Rock's favorite, it's all our favorite. "One night of sex and a beer" involves sucking a dick for the women we want to be with. Plus, I said that we may never bring up the fact that we keep track in our heads. You'll never know. We most likely don't even have exacts stats, but if we have a sprained tongue and can't remember our last BJ, that's going to be an issue.
We'd never guilt someone into sucking dick. We'd NEVER beg for it. That's what the curb outside my house is for. We most certainly would be unsatisfied without it. Take notes, Grasshopper, for we speak the truth....
_________________
"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
Richard Dawkins
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Womanly Woman
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 2:54 pm
Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Planet D
DISLAIMER: Girlie girl, you might want to have someone read this back to you aloud because it's abundantly clear that if you try to wade through it alone and sound out all the big words, you'll spend the next few hours staring quizzacally at the screen, your head cocked to one side and drooling. (Much like a German Shepherd might ponder it's relationship with a Jewish master.)
Now, on with the full frontal assault (see what I did there with the full frontal? Implied sexual undertones...yet subtle...learn from me!) Admittedly I don't know you or your "visiter," (oh, the humanity...I'll get back to your spelling) but there are more inconsistencies in your story than Robert Blake's. So you were drunk dialing, naked and called a "friend" who you hoped would become a "fuck buddy" at midnight, yet you later assert that you wouldn't sleep with a friend and a fuck buddy is merely that. Wha? So you only bang your arch nemeses? (Look it up) By your own testimony, you got fucked...so stop your bitchin'...mission accomplished. While your fundamental understanding of the much revered "booty call" is less than dazzling, (also note...than vs then...so much to teach you) your feminine wiles are far more disturbing and less than cunning. We don't expect oral sex? FUCK THAT... of course we do. Not only do I expect it, nay...demand it, I have mastered the ability to trick them into thinking they wanted to do it and become the King of Cunnilingus. Now, that is only reasonable if you plan to reciprocate which is how balance is achieved in the sexual universe. What exactly were you expecting from your fireside "chit-chat?" A spirited discussion about Marxism in modern day America? I'm guessing...not so much. If you weren't planning to suckle the snotty end you shouldn't have suited up. In fact, if he had to travel any further than the living room for this sub-par nookie, he really should take you to small claims court and be reimbursed for expenses and mileage. It's true, I looked it up.
Moving on...allow me to understand. You didn't blow him, you didn't have or cause orgasms that would lead your neighbors to believe that the big one had finally hit and THEN you called his best MALE friend to bitch about him? Sweet Jesus, girl, you only call the best friend to brag about the giz stains on your ceiling...UNDERwhelming him will hardly be the lead story on CNN. Would Tanya Harding have called the russian judged and asked "well, other than that whole falling on my fat ass and clubbing my teammate thing, didn't you think I skated well?"
My first indication of your mind-numbing stupidity was the laughable admission that Mike and Chad are the most experienced men you know. Whoa...jacking off to Wonder Woman repeats and the women's golf channel does not a connoisseur create. I have Tang in my cupboard. It doesn't make me an astronaut. Upon further consideration, I've decided that you must be :
a- insanely hot, adorned with such gargantuan boobs that shoot Miller Lite, there's a line around the door .... OR...
b- I know retarded howler monkeys who could outwit you.
Based on your heinous attack on the english language, (punctuation, spelling and grammar be damned) I'm assuming the latter is correct. Or perhaps you're just really young. In which case, I sincerely hope your beau is also underage or there was a signed consent form somewhere in the mix.
I'm not sure exactly what grade you're in, but when classses resume you might consider remedial english and sex-ed and if you kill yourself over the x-mas holidays, you'll probably get a full page in the yearbook. Something to strive for. In the interim, watch lots of porn , take notes and please return your uterus to the front desk. There's been a grave error. You are not worthy.
I am not a hater, just trying to help. Let's get our nails done and reminisce about the good old days when N'Synch had street cred!
Kisses,
D
_________________
Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.
-Spinoza (no he DID NOT star on Who's The Boss!"
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chad
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 3:10 pm
Site Admin
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 51
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Woa, this thread is closed. Watching the fur fly makes me laugh and oddly stimulated.
OK, Girlie Girl - The Park is closed for repairs, your bracelet is no longer valid for admittance. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.
Womanly Woman – Very smart. But since I simply cannot have a woman smarter than me on my board, you must take five – and both my congratulations and my respect.
Now, back to Mikey and I totally fucking idolizing ourselves.
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girliegirl
Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 11:16 pm
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
Posts: 18
one last comment to the bitch who wrote her page or two.....u must have nothing better to do then/than cut up other girls so i say fuck you!.and good on ya........you write an amazing letter....perhaps if i wanted to be a receptionist ot journalist i would as well.........and really get my nails done with someone who thout N'sync had street cred.LMAO.not in a million fucking years!.and you know i have to agree i guess i need to watch what i do when i drunk dial.....true enough.....thanks for the "womanly " advice........
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Womanly Woman
Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 11:07 am
Joined: 15 Jul 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Planet D
OMG...are ya kiddin?!! Let me walk you through this one...
I would tear you up from head to toe while simultaneously reciting Qauntum Physics For Dummies and singing a T'Pau classic (SARCASM) but there's simply no sport in attacking you.
I tried to help. You asked for advice. I'm a giver. (More SARCASM.) But, alas, my good deed was lost on you since you have the IQ and sexual prowess of an artichoke.
I'd love to stay and debate, (and by debate I mean post things you don't understand and wait for your insipid reply) but. there's a really hot guy in my bed (what the hell is his name?...Ah starts with...shit, if only I was as clever as you and good with details, I might recall.) So I must leave.
There is no sport in mocking you so rejoice in your (I've got to assume, there's no other explanation) incredible beauty and bite me!
One last thing. "Receptionist OT journalist?"...um....yeah...that's a natural progression, you single celled organism that should have been aborted. School-House Rock!!! Get it...be one with it. You are an embarrassment to those of us who claim english as our first language.
Wanna catch a movie? Don't panic....nothing with subtitles. I know you have an 8 o'clock curfew but probably lots of free time.(just a guess, no hard paper on that one.) Hope you had a hot date last night and raised the bar a little on your performance.
Toodles,
Dar
_________________
Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand.
-Spinoza (no he DID NOT star on Who's The Boss!"
My work here is done.
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